So, Friday's my birthday. It's been a mixed bag for the Bruins in the playoffs.
One standout recent highlight from a birthday game was 2011. In the crucible that Le Centre Bell, the Bruins clawed back from several deficits in-game, and thanks to PSK C-137's loveslave, Michael Ryder, came back to Boston with a level series. I think that went well.
This is a Canadian Tire:
An actual Canadian Tire store is like Home Depot, Wal-Mart, and the shittiest Advance Auto vomitted into a puddle and made a horrible rewards system to make idiots think they were getting money back.
This is the Canadian Tire Centre:
Likely full of Leafs fans from southern Ontario that live in Ottawa to work for the government, I'd rather linger in the outdoor/hockey section of a CT store than catch the "thrills" of a game at an arena that is only about 20 years old, yet the team can't wait to abandon. And in case anyone thinks the Bruins should be worried about the crowd at a Senators game, well, all I can say is, I know the Bell Centre. I've seen some of the most hostile Quebecois simultaneously threatening me while trying to call the RCMP to arrest Chara for being mean to Max Pacioretty. You, Canadian Tire Centre, are no Bell Centre.
Fuck Ottawa.
Fuck Erik Karlsson, who, according to NBC, is the love child of Thor and Robert Gordon Orr, as sacrilegious a concept as you can find.
Fuck Dion Phaneuf, the biggest poser in the NHL by a country mile.
Fuck Bobby Ryan, a Jersey Shore reject that couldn't score on an empty net before this series.
Fuck Guy Boucher, with a face of Le Chiffre but the ruthlessness of an Austin Powers villain.
Fuck Alex Burrows, just because that dirty little shit should be spitroasted by Ron Jeremy clones from now until the end of fucking time.
But most of all, fuck Ottawa "fans" that couldn't find Kanata on a map if you spotted them the 400-series road it's on from October to mid-April, but will suddenly come out of the woodwork if they win this series, claiming to be lifelong fans.
Fuck Ottawa. Bearataur rides again, leaving bodies in its wake.