5/15 - Hall Aboard the Playoff Train

RSN Diaspora

molests goats for comedy
SoSH Member
Jul 29, 2005
8,178
Washington, DC
Somewhere in the last year or so I crossed the point where I’ve spent a majority of my life in the District of Columbia. It’s a great city, but man do I hate their fucking hockey team.

7:15, Capital One Arena. Fuck the Caps, double fuck Tom Wilson, Bruins win.
 
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IdiotKicker

Member
SoSH Member
Nov 21, 2005
6,709
Somerville, MA
Four score and seven years ago, the Washington Capitals didn’t exist because they’re a fucking stupid expansion team. Founded by the great-great-great-great-great-great grandson of a guy who knew George Washington’s cobbler through his one-eared apprentice, they watched The Patriot once and decided to model their team after the late Colonel William Tavington. Or maybe they watched The Bachelor and then brought Chad in as a motivational speaker. I can’t remember. Either way, they look pretty in their red uniforms that don’t hide their lizard blood, but ultimately, this a team built on lies.

”The Capitals have a sick offense!”

Lies.

”The Capitals goalies are so hard to get pucks past!”

Lies.

”The Capitals are the Bruins kryptonite.”

Lies.

”The Capitals are a bunch of cheap-shot artists who are aging and seeing their bodies break down and can barely muster enough offense without their power play to even appear dangerous, and even though I love TJ Oshie for his Olympics heroics, there is no sweeter sound that that of his tears falling on ice in May.”

Truth.

In Independence Day, featuring Jeff Goldblum as Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith cries, “JIMMY NO,” when his best friend Jimmy who thinks it’s a bad idea for him to propose to Jasmine with a ring made of gold dophins has his plane blown up by invading aliens. Smith wanders the rest of the movie friendless, eventually culminating in a bonding session with Goldblum where Goldblum learns how to smoke tobacco after infecting the alien mothership with ransomware and demanding four dogecoins to open their gasoline pipeline back up.

But the Bruins goal-scoring pipeline has been wide open since the acquisition of Curtis Lazar from Buffalo, along with the thrown-in Taylor Hall. If you can’t find the puck on your screen tonight, it’s because it’s in the Capitals net since their goalies are jokes.

But enough with the jokes. This Bruins team is fucking loaded. Brad Marchand is playing the best hockey of his career. David Krejci is playing the best hockey of his career. Taylor Hall is playing the best hockey of his career. Charlie McAvoy is playing the best hockey of his career. Patrice Bergeron always plays the best hockey of his career. David Pastrnak hasn’t even gotten going yet. And the Bruins fucking C-team almost destroyed the Capitals A-team earlier this week. So let’s dispense with the pleasantries at this point.

Fuck Tom Wilson.
 

LogansDad

Member
SoSH Member
Nov 15, 2006
19,694
Alamogordo
Won't be watching with you guys tonight as I picked the wrong week to decide I didn't want to just stay retired and I have to "work" (as an usher for the Mariners' AA team).

But for the record, Fuck Tom Wilson.
 

RSN Diaspora

molests goats for comedy
SoSH Member
Jul 29, 2005
8,178
Washington, DC
I picked the wrong week to decide I didn't want to just stay retired
This reads like a line that was cut from the final Airplane! edit.

The local Bruins bar is full on reservations tonight, so I’m meeting up with a fellow B’s fan at a bar that will surely be 90% rooting for the Craps. If I don’t make it out alive, we should probably have a backup thread starter identified shortly after they win tonight as a precautionary measure.
 

Kenny F'ing Powers

posts 18% useful shit
SoSH Member
Nov 17, 2010
11,780
Chara is a Boston legend.

Tonight he can double dildo a hockey stick with Tom Wilson.

Win this fucking game.
 

locknload

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 14, 2005
3,135
Haverhill MA
Chara is a Boston legend.

Tonight he can double dildo a hockey stick with Tom Wilson.

Win this fucking game.
There is going to be a point tonight where Hall or Pasta blows by chara on the outside like he's standing still and puts it in the net. I love the old man but he can't hang with speed. I expect the bruins to make him look like late years Hal Gill out there
 

TSC

SoSH's Doug Neidermeyer
SoSH Member
Oct 25, 2007
10,432
Between here and everywhere.
This is a game thread, right?

Fuck Tom Wilson.

I haven’t made many friends since I’ve moved to the DC area, but @RSN Diaspora is one of them, and there’s no one better to start a gamethread against this merry band of shitsippers than he.
 

tmracht

Well-Known Member
Gold Supporter
SoSH Member
Aug 19, 2009
2,204
Play with intensity, play smart, play with a sense of urgency and keep your heads up. Win.
 

Jordu

Member
SoSH Member
Apr 30, 2003
7,511
Brookline
“A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance — unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” — Marcus Aurelius

41103
 

BostonFanInCanesLand

Member
SoSH Member
Jun 16, 2011
703
F#ck T** W***** indeed.

Dominate the Caps and make the bully shed tears of frustration.

(But first, the Preakness with Eddie O?)
 

tmracht

Well-Known Member
Gold Supporter
SoSH Member
Aug 19, 2009
2,204
Fluto:

Evgeny Kuznetsov remains in COVID-19 protocol. Critical absence as 5v5 center and down-low distributor on the power play.
 

McBride11

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 15, 2005
16,678
Charleston, SC
Oh dear. I timed my drinking wrong.
I started with a lovely Scofflaw Absentium pint (13.9%)... in the 5th inning of the Sox.
It has not relaxed my hatred for Wilson.

Bos teams have provided 2 lovely stress free appetizers, let’s hope the Bs continue this Saturday tradition
 

Haunted

The Man in the Box
SoSH Member
Aug 23, 2006
4,238
Fuck Tom Wilson and fuck nbc for butting the game against a horsey race.
 

Steve Dillard

wishes drew noticed him instead of sweet & sour
SoSH Member
Oct 7, 2003
5,228
That hit by Ovechkin not being whistled was strange, wasn’t it?
I actually didn't mnd it. Krejc was ready for it and had just touched the puck (and anticipated the hit by falling backwards). Its the Wilson crap of hitting the guy 2 seconds after he passed it.