Dan Shaughnessy: Taking a dump in your mouth one column at a time

John Marzano Olympic Hero

has fancy plans, and pants to match
Dope
Apr 12, 2001
20,557
I really enjoyed Shaughnessy's column today as it pretty much summed up my feelings on this offseason to a tee.*

* Now if you excuse me, I'm going to take a fucking scalding shower.
 

Humphrey

Member
SoSH Member
Aug 3, 2010
1,123
I'd probably agree with most of what he's saying, but when it comes from him, it's too negative and depressing to want to read.
 

Humphrey

Member
SoSH Member
Aug 3, 2010
1,123
What was that piece o' shit he had in Sunday's paper? I think I'd rather read something tongue-in-cheek from Belichick himself rather than Shank.
 

BaseballJones

goalpost mover
SoSH Member
Oct 1, 2015
10,267

Some highlights (or lowlights)...

"Here we are again. Spygate II. And again the polygraphs are exploding as we wait for the Patriots to release “Spygate II In Context.’’"

Uh Dan...the "in context" website that the Patriots put out during Deflategate was GREAT.
- - -
"Let me see if I’ve got things straight: Dave Mondillo, a Patriots employee who has worked at Gillette for 18 years, oversees a video operation in which a press box camera is trained on the bench of the Patriots’ next opponent. On the audio portion of the 45-second clip aired by Fox last Sunday, a member of the Patriots crew claimed he didn’t know the rule."

The "bench"? The sideline. From behind. And the audio portion...clearly the entire conversation wasn't shared.
- - -
"Based on what we saw, the clip indicates the crew had interest only in what the Bengals coaches were doing. They were not shooting the field. Or the scout.

It's called B-roll, Dan. Classic, absolute classic B-roll. They were shooting what a frigging SCOUT would be LOOKING AT.
- - -
"In the audio, a Patriots employee sounds like a little kid caught with crumbs all over his face and his hand in the cookie jar."


No, he sounds like a person doing his job, then when confronted by someone on a power trip, and probably being scared like, what the hell...said, ok dude, if this isn't cool we can just delete it.
- - -
"This may very well have been an innocent mistake, but the Patriots have lost all credibility. They had an elaborate, rule-violating video system until they got caught in 2007. They had a system of football deflation (sorry, the texts are conclusive and two employees disappeared forever), until they got caught in 2015."

OMG. "the texts are conclusive"? Is Dan Shaughnessy on crack?
- - -
"And the notion that the TV production guys did this and the coach knew nothing of their activities? How can we believe that when we are constantly reminded that Bill is a control freak, maniacal about detail, and knows everything that is going on in his football operation."

Correct, because this wasn't part of his FOOTBALL OPERATION, you frigging idiot. Why the hell would he know what guys shooting B-roll for a Kraft production video were actually videotaping?


OMG why did I read this? That's really the question I'm now asking myself. Shaughnessey's column is about as stupid as it can possibly get, but I think I'm more stupid for reading it.
 

Humphrey

Member
SoSH Member
Aug 3, 2010
1,123
I'll preface my remarks by saying I wanted Brady playing for two more years, then retire.

Having said that, it was nice to see Shank get some comeuppance today "no one wants him, he's 43, he'll be back". Of course, that's assuming one of the other teams offers him a decent contract, which I'm 99% sure will happen.
 

Sir Lancelotti

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 31, 2006
283
Boston
Thanks for the link, that was a great read. CHB can still bring the heat when he waxes nostalgic about his days covering the beat.

Even when considering the media environment in 1985 , I’m always amazed the Bird bar fight story wasn’t a bigger deal. I’m as big a Larry fan as there is, but that incident more than likely cost them a championship and swung the balance of power in the Celtic-Laker rivalry. That 85 team was loaded, Bird at the height of his powers and McHale finally coming into his own as a starter. They were cruising through the playoffs up through game 1 of the finals and were more talented than the Lakers that year IMO. Bird dropped to 45% shooting in the Finals and never really looked right. Even he admits that was the one that got away.
 

lexrageorge

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 31, 2007
10,927
Thanks for the link, that was a great read. CHB can still bring the heat when he waxes nostalgic about his days covering the beat.

Even when considering the media environment in 1985 , I’m always amazed the Bird bar fight story wasn’t a bigger deal. I’m as big a Larry fan as there is, but that incident more than likely cost them a championship and swung the balance of power in the Celtic-Laker rivalry. That 85 team was loaded, Bird at the height of his powers and McHale finally coming into his own as a starter. They were cruising through the playoffs up through game 1 of the finals and were more talented than the Lakers that year IMO. Bird dropped to 45% shooting in the Finals and never really looked right. Even he admits that was the one that got away.
That 1985 Celtics team was really great but a bit thin. Gerald Henderson was traded after the 1984 season to make Ainge a starter, but they could never find a reliable backup guard. They brought in Ray Williams, but he got exposed a bit against the Lakers.

Their forward depth got hit hard when Cedric Maxwell got hurt. Max never regained his form, and was essentially useless in the playoffs. By the time the Finals rolled around, it was the starting 5 plus a bit of Scott Wedman, who got hot in Game 1 but never did much else.
 

Shaky Walton

Member
SoSH Member
Nov 20, 2019
178
I enjoyed the column. I enjoy Cooz. I started a thread related to it in P&G. But I can't shake the sense that Dan's primary purpose was the anti-Trump aspects he got out of Cousy. Not that they were extreme. Cousy is right that nearly every person who comes into the Trump WH eventually becomes an enemy of the President. But I dunno, it felt like that was the driver here. I could be wrong.
 

Kliq

Member
SoSH Member
Mar 31, 2013
13,273
Not like I actually read the column, but how long do you think Shaughnessy has waited to roll out the "Now we are the Tomato Can" headline?
 

JimD

Member
SoSH Member
Nov 29, 2001
7,534
I have never heard anyone besides Shaughnessy make the 'tomato can' reference, ever.
 

Humphrey

Member
SoSH Member
Aug 3, 2010
1,123
Since when has CHB had the right to say ‘we’.
Two Thumbs Up for that comment, Detts.

It's the opportunity that so many media people have been waiting years for. I even heard that Borges has resurfaced and jumped on the pile.
 

joe dokes

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 18, 2005
17,963
Shaughnessy loves those compare and contrast columns....

"20 years ago, I was relevant . . now . . . "
 

Detts

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 20, 2005
4,812
Greenville, SC
Two Thumbs Up for that comment, Detts.

It's the opportunity that so many media people have been waiting years for. I even heard that Borges has resurfaced and jumped on the pile.
Thanks. I intentionally used a period and not a question mark. Can’t wait for his ‘Curse of TB12’ book to be published.
 

RGREELEY33

Potty Mouth
SoSH Member
Nov 28, 2005
4,403
Orange County, CA
I just wanted to note that I had emailed Shaughnessy about his article where he once again went after Ortiz for steroids, and just politely pointed out that he had never tested positive, that 2003 tests included things like ephedrine and creatine, was not involved in Balco or Biogenesis, never associated with any of the steroid scandals in general, etc.

He responded “Go home Fanboy. Not interested. Enjoy the myth. . . . .. ”

It made me happy knowing he actually is a giant bag of dog poo. It was also formatted and punctuated like a 5th grader had typed it which made me giggle.
 

nattysez

Well-Known Member
Silver Supporter
SoSH Member
Sep 30, 2010
4,851
He goes to bed every night knowing that Bill Simmons started out writing about Boston sports just like Shank and will make more money in his lifetime than every Shaughnessy in that accursed family tree combined, even after Shank spent years torturing a fan base for the sole purpose of making a profit.
 

terrynever

Well-Known Member
Gold Supporter
SoSH Member
Aug 25, 2005
17,959
pawtucket
He goes to bed every night knowing that Bill Simmons started out writing about Boston sports just like Shank and will make more money in his lifetime than every Shaughnessy in that accursed family tree combined, even after Shank spent years torturing a fan base for the sole purpose of making a profit.
I guess he settles for being King of the Hill in the most successful sports city around.
 

JimD

Member
SoSH Member
Nov 29, 2001
7,534
He goes to bed every night knowing that Bill Simmons started out writing about Boston sports just like Shank and will make more money in his lifetime than every Shaughnessy in that accursed family tree combined, even after Shank spent years torturing a fan base for the sole purpose of making a profit.
He also has to live with the knowledge that fellow Globe alum Peter Gammons, Bob Ryan and Jackie MacMullan all have much higher national profiles than him.
 

nattysez

Well-Known Member
Silver Supporter
SoSH Member
Sep 30, 2010
4,851
I guess he settles for being King of the Hill in the most successful sports city around.
It would fit him to a tee to self-aggrandize based on the success of teams he has actively rooted against and whose success he has tried to diminish. His signature accomplishment will be making a buck by celebrating Red Sox fans' misery, something that no longer exists no matter how much he tries to tarnish their championships.

I look forward to him being bought out and turning into Ron Borges, Murray Chass and Jay Mariotti, losers left to type furiously into the void on under-trafficked blogs as the sports world forgets about them and moves on from whatever influence that may once have had.
 

terrynever

Well-Known Member
Gold Supporter
SoSH Member
Aug 25, 2005
17,959
pawtucket
It would fit him to a tee to self-aggrandize based on the success of teams he has actively rooted against and whose success he has tried to diminish. His signature accomplishment will be making a buck by celebrating Red Sox fans' misery, something that no longer exists no matter how much he tries to tarnish their championships.

I look forward to him being bought out and turning into Ron Borges, Murray Chass and Jay Mariotti, losers left to type furiously into the void on under-trafficked blogs as the sports world forgets about them and moves on from whatever influence that may once have had.
You just transferred and imposed my analysis into something CHB might think. He must chuckle that a SOSH thread about himself is now 42 pages on.

I do not know CHB but as a contemporary sports writer who worked in AAA towns I know better than most not to overlook how far he got in his newspaper career. A better beat reporter than columnist would be my argument. He lent a strong reporting element to the Globe’s team in the early 80s.
 

joe dokes

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 18, 2005
17,963
He also has to live with the knowledge that fellow Globe alum Peter Gammons, Bob Ryan and Jackie MacMullan all have much higher national profiles than him.
And, much like Nick Cafardo, you rarely (never?) hear about any of them being disliked by the people they cover(ed).
 

shaggydog2000

Member
SoSH Member
Apr 5, 2007
7,714
He also has to live with the knowledge that fellow Globe alum Peter Gammons, Bob Ryan and Jackie MacMullan all have much higher national profiles than him.
I don't really remember he exists until I see this thread occasionally bumped. Newspapers are pretty close to dead and he's not a national presence on TV, radio, or the internet the way the others you've noted are (amongst many Boston area writers who have national exposure). He's sort of a regional irritant. He's that patch of dry skin that flares up now and then and you think maybe is psoriasis, but it doesn't bother you enough that you're going to see a doctor about it.
 

Hank Scorpio

Member
SoSH Member
Apr 1, 2013
5,619
Dan Shaughnessy is what I visualize whenever I encounter a reaction-seeking message board troll.

He also looks like Gene Wilder fucked Mitch McConnell, and then their unholy curly-haired offspring spent seven generations inbreeding, a decades long process which ultimately birthed the CHB. But that’s mean spirited and doesn’t advance the discussion, so I won’t point that out.
 

Humphrey

Member
SoSH Member
Aug 3, 2010
1,123
I may dislike (and I do often) his opinions about the Sox and Celtics; but he covered both of those teams, was better than average at it; and therefore I believe his comments are worth reading.

When it comes to the other sports, I think he knows shit about them and the putdowns are merited.
 

Earthbound64

Well-Known Member
Gold Supporter
SoSH Member
I just wanted to note that I had emailed Shaughnessy about his article where he once again went after Ortiz for steroids, and just politely pointed out that he had never tested positive, that 2003 tests included things like ephedrine and creatine, was not involved in Balco or Biogenesis, never associated with any of the steroid scandals in general, etc.

He responded “Go home Fanboy. Not interested. Enjoy the myth. . . . .. ”

It made me happy knowing he actually is a giant bag of dog poo. It was also formatted and punctuated like a 5th grader had typed it which made me giggle.
Reminder:

I know old territory, but:
Mentioned in Ken Burns' "10th inning" as "A Boston Globe writer."


"No wonder ballplayers loathe the media."

"tabloid-driven controversy"

"It's unfair."

:rolleyes:
The guy is a hypocritical racist.
People need to stop reading him, and stop supporting any organization that gives him a voice.
 

bankshot1

Member
SoSH Member
Feb 12, 2003
19,369
where I was last at
I may dislike (and I do often) his opinions about the Sox and Celtics; but he covered both of those teams, was better than average at it; and therefore I believe his comments are worth reading.

When it comes to the other sports, I think he knows shit about them and the putdowns are merited.
Re the bolded, I agree. When he plays it straight, Dan is a good writer and good reporter. But In a medium that is close to dead, Dan tries too hard for the hot takes and clicks. He used to have a weekly gig on Sports Hub (sports radio) with Zo and Bertrand (covid may have knocked it out-don't know) and in that role I thought he was pretty entertaining. He knows baseball and hoops and he has a ton of contacts and good stories

But he seems to carry grudges and he carries a laptop to settle scores. Perhaps he sees himself keeping to the tradition, of the old-time knights of the keyboard cracking wise and keeping the heroes in check.
 

RGREELEY33

Potty Mouth
SoSH Member
Nov 28, 2005
4,403
Orange County, CA
Reminder:
The guy is a hypocritical racist.
People need to stop reading him, and stop supporting any organization that gives him a voice.
As a funny aside, I had forwarded his response to my best friend. Unbeknownst to me, he replied all and somewhow included Shank without us seeing it. Shank responded today with:

“Fanboys. Go play with each other. I’m not interested in joining in. Thanks.”

So, I have decided we are going to email him everyday for awhile and pretend that we are mistakenly CC-ing him. I emailed my buddy today saying I had discovered an amazing waffle recipe for he and his two daughters to try out (with link), and then we chatted back and forth about our Thanksgiving plans — CC-ing Shank each time. He did respond to the first one saying “Thanks, I’ll try it!”.
 

Huntington Avenue Grounds

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 17, 2008
1,380
Lunenburg, MA
I was in Denver between games 3 and 4 of the World Series and went into a quiet bar and grille with a buddy for lunch. Sitting at the only occupied table in the place was Shank and three accomplices, we went to the bar, debated whether to go over and tell him he sucked penguin anus, but I took the position that it was unfair and beneath us to heckle him at such an establishment. I won the argument, he and his posse paid and left before we did.

I have regretted that decision ever since, and my buddy (rightfully) eviscerates me about it every time one of his hit jobs appears.
 

geoflin

Well-Known Member
Lifetime Member
SoSH Member
Feb 26, 2004
438
Melrose MA
I arrived early for a Red Sox game a few years ago. Shank and Steve Lyons were together on the field chatting. I wished I had a hand grenade.
 

ifmanis5

Member
SoSH Member
Sep 29, 2007
44,519
Rotten Apple
I just wanted to note that I had emailed Shaughnessy about his article where he once again went after Ortiz for steroids, and just politely pointed out that he had never tested positive, that 2003 tests included things like ephedrine and creatine, was not involved in Balco or Biogenesis, never associated with any of the steroid scandals in general, etc.

He responded “Go home Fanboy. Not interested. Enjoy the myth. . . . .. ”

It made me happy knowing he actually is a giant bag of dog poo. It was also formatted and punctuated like a 5th grader had typed it which made me giggle.
Wow, thanks for sharing that. Good to know his response was basically 'fake news, go to your safe space.' And agreed with Earthbound, a hypocritical racist to which I would also add- lazy (see, Boston v. Other City comparison for the millionth time).
It's been said many times but he was a very good writer and reporter when he wanted to be, it's just that it was too easy for him to advance his lot in life by being a troll and so that's the path he chose. He deserves all the shade he gets for that life choice.
 

jose melendez

Earl of Acie
Lifetime Member
SoSH Member
Oct 23, 2003
23,576
Washington DC
I mostly think he's a talented writer, or at least was, who really grew to hate the people he was covering. It seems really easy to me that as one ages, following the exploits of brash, often entitled, young men gives you a level of disgust.

That said, it's hard to square that analysis with his tendency to be extra hard on Latin ballplayers, many of whom are presumably less entitled.
 

Average Reds

Dope
Staff member
Dope
V&N Mod
SoSH Member
Sep 24, 2007
29,730
Southwestern CT
I mostly think he's a talented writer, or at least was, who really grew to hate the people he was covering. It seems really easy to me that as one ages, following the exploits of brash, often entitled, young men gives you a level of disgust.
Not only is this unsurprising, it's basically the human condition.

Literally anything becauses uninteresting, and sometimes a source of extreme annoyance, if you are forced to do it again and again and again. Throw in the fact that most sportswriter are extremely jaded from being witness to the dissonance between the image and reality of professional athletes and I'm shocked that anyone stays in the business for long.

That said, it's hard to square that analysis with his tendency to be extra hard on Latin ballplayers, many of whom are presumably less entitled.
Notwithstanding the preceding, this is why CHB's bullshit can't be tossed off as cynicism or writer's burnout. He's a dick.

I was in Denver between games 3 and 4 of the World Series and went into a quiet bar and grille with a buddy for lunch. Sitting at the only occupied table in the place was Shank and three accomplices, we went to the bar, debated whether to go over and tell him he sucked penguin anus, but I took the position that it was unfair and beneath us to heckle him at such an establishment. I won the argument, he and his posse paid and left before we did.

I have regretted that decision ever since, and my buddy (rightfully) eviscerates me about it every time one of his hit jobs appears.
I plan to steal this starting today, as it's a great description of 2020.
 

Dahabenzapple2

Mr. McGuire
SoSH Member
Jun 20, 2011
7,908
Wayne, NJ
I mostly think he's a talented writer, or at least was, who really grew to hate the people he was covering. It seems really easy to me that as one ages, following the exploits of brash, often entitled, young men gives you a level of disgust.

That said, it's hard to square that analysis with his tendency to be extra hard on Latin ballplayers, many of whom are presumably less entitled.
Called becoming bitter and never being able to admit any wrongdoing or be self-deprecating resulting in becoming more bitter, resentful, angry and hateful. Really sad in some ways but I have little sympathy for people like this. The man who is the VP in our department at my job is like this. Decades ago he was as talented a sales person as I ever worked with or for. The last 12 plus years that I’ve been back working for the Company he’s become what Shaugnessy has become. Lying, manipulative and downright mean - and set in some sick belief system that defies reality.

That comment on Ortiz is a microcosm of the whole thing. He won’t even engage because then there would have to be a reasoned discussion. That is never allowed with a megalomaniac or narcissist.
 

terrynever

Well-Known Member
Gold Supporter
SoSH Member
Aug 25, 2005
17,959
pawtucket
Not only is this unsurprising, it's basically the human condition.

Literally anything becauses uninteresting, and sometimes a source of extreme annoyance, if you are forced to do it again and again and again. Throw in the fact that most sportswriter are extremely jaded from being witness to the dissonance between the image and reality of professional athletes and I'm shocked that anyone stays in the business for long.



Notwithstanding the preceding, this is why CHB's bullshit can't be tossed off as cynicism or writer's burnout. He's a dick.



I plan to steal this starting today, as it's a great description of 2020.
Tangentially speaking:
“Forced to do it again and again” reminds me of how Glenn Frey used to complain about having to sing “Peaceful Easy Feeling” and “Take It Easy” night after night when Eagles toured. He wanted to test out his new stuff but fans wanted to hear the hits.

Maybe DS has some new material for his retirement from The Globe, which has gotta be coming soon, right? The Globe owner can just buy Dan out like any other older worker. Here is where you see DS’s real value to The Globe. He remains the face and main voice of a diminished sports staff. People read him. Owners can’t buy him out. Red Sox/Globe owners consider Shaughnessy an asset in an ever-changing communications field. They would rather he be negative, which suits Dan just fine.
 

Cotillion

lurker
Jun 11, 2019
634
I think CHB is worse is because he doesn't have to be a hack. You can see the writing skill he has in a lot of different pieces throughout the years.
 

Dick Drago

Member
SoSH Member
Mar 28, 2002
1,248
The level of vitriol he directed at latin players, especially in the early-mid 2000s is what I remember most---even more than his crummy book in which he made up narratives, and tried to settle petty vendettas against the players he disliked.

I qualify this by stating it is only my opinion, but the way he wrote about Latin players---Offerman, Pedro, Ramirez etc....there was a particular focus on the amount of money they made---flashy cars, clothes, jewelry, contracts. He seemed to equate poor performance with their acquisition of material goods---Offerman was not exactly popular with fans, but the constant harping on flashy personalities and wealth seemed rooted in some deep seated resentment that he took personally.

I'm sure that he is a great family man, but he does not seem to be a nice guy---I try not to form a judgment based on personal anecdotes--you never know the specific situation etc.
But I've heard so many about him----from colleagues, fans, production people on TV shows--none of them are positive. Arrogant, and petty. Even emails he gets that are pretty mild he responds with annoyance, disdain and hurls insults. Many stories of him chasing after people who offended him, contacting their employers to complain--I never liked his reporting or his columns---he tried to weave himself into ever story he wrote, and portray himself as the voice of Boston fans everywhere.