Because I do actually care about how we engage with each other and I find parroting phrases like "intent doesn't matter" to be counterproductive. Had RW made his point in another way, I would've left it alone, but I see this phrase everywhere online, in mainstream media articles, on television, and it's taken as fact when it doesn't make any sense at all, and I could list you tons of examples and hypotheticals why. Over the past year, we've seen time and again that creating opaque ways of communicating that obscure the meanings of words and phrases does an incredible job of creating well-educated, upper class in-groups, but it does a terrible job of moving along the project of improving relations in America.
There's no shortage of people online, in the media, in this thread calling Gruden a racist. I didn't feel like I needed to add to that discussion even though I agreed because there wasn't much more to say. But this I find as a point of disagreement, which is why I brought it up, and I think I managed to do so without making it personal (unlike yourself). If you don't want me to respond, don't reply to my posts, or send me a PM. It's pretty simple.
No. That’s not how it works. When you decide to post your opinions publicly, and repeatedly, people get to respond to them, and to do so publicly. This is the second time that I have seen you respond to someone writing critically about one of your posts by telling them to send you a PM. Or, as you just said to me, they can simply not respond to your public posts. The message, of course, is that you want to say what you believe publicly—you want people to hear it—but you want any dissent to be made in private or to simply go unexpressed.
Something about the phrase “intent doesn’t matter” triggers you. You acknowledge seeing it everywhere in our society. To you, IT is the true threat to improved relations in this country, not the underlying offenses it describes. Just as, in one of your posts, you make clear that the real victim is not the person who has been offended, but the dear old grandma who keeps getting vilified:
Clearly there is an important difference between Richard Spencer saying something racist and a grandma offending someone by accident because she doesn't know the latest microaggressions.
There are no “latest” micro aggressions. You chose that terminology because you want people to know that you are dismissive of micro aggressions. You want people to believe they they’re being dreamed up one after another by the snowflakes in Cambridge and JP in order to wrongly paint grandma as a racist. In fact, micro aggressions are real and they have real emotional, psychological, and financial consequences for the many scores of millions of Americans who experience them. Do you disagree?
As RW has repeatedly explained to you, the only thing that he meant by “intent doesn’t matter” is that it doesn’t matter whether grandma intended to offend someone. What matters is that she did. And if grandma is able to see that and genuinely understand it, then she CAN learn and she CAN grow and she can apologize in a way that is meaningful to the people who were offended.
The passage of time is a difficult and tricky business. The world keeps moving even as we grow older and comfortable with what we knew to be true in our younger days. I personally have found it difficult to understand the emerging recognition of non-binary gender identity. It wasn’t immediately clear to me why my daughters and their friends kept using “they” to refer to people of all genders regardless of how they identify. Traditional gender roles certainly made sense to me when I was younger, and they still kind of do. But I have learned that they don’t necessarily make sense for the people who have come after me. And so I have learned to recognize and respect this new normal. Regardless of my intent when I refer to a non-binary person by their birth sex, I am causing them pain. It doesn’t matter that things were different in my day. What matter is that things are different today. I am not the victim when it’s pointed out to me that I have hurt someone. They are the victim for having been hurt by me.
So do I understand that this is a strange new world for grandma to negotiate? Of course I do. But if all grandma says is “I don’t know why people are offended by this. I’m not sure what’s offensive about it. I wasn’t *trying* to offend anyone,” then how can grandma learn, grow, or meaningfully apologize to the person she offended?
What makes it worse is if in failing to learn and grow, grandma makes light of her own ignorance as to why something is offensive. That’s what happened when you wanted us all to know your feelings about “grandfathered” being an offensive term. You could have just been clear about that but instead you used it as an opportunity to ridicule what you appear to believe is another ridiculous thing created by the snowflakes: gender-neutral language. But, again, if you truly were interested in knowing what’s offensive about the term, you could have just looked it up. But it read to me as if you weren’t.