Who are you?

RetractableRoof

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Just taking a moment to engage in a bit of frivolous fandom. With a nod to Barbara Walters and her "if you were a tree, what tree would you be" question...

So in another thread I mentioned that if I were overnight transformed into a 20 year old basketball player with elite athleticism and a feel for the game of basketball I think I'd be a Gordon Haywire type player. A glue guy, jack of all trades, morphing into what the team needs on a nightly basis. Maybe another would be Al Horford. I've no interest in the limelight, let the others have it. I just want to win, and in whatever way I can help do it in the next game. I'll work on what I need to, I'll grow my game, but the reporters won't be seeking me out for too much by way of quotes.

Qualifiers:
  • This hypothetical player is the healthy/peak version of himself, and will have a reasonably long career.
  • I'm asking about who you are on court, and in the locker room. Don't tell me anything about your ride, your crib, your charity work, I don't care about any personal life quirks/foibles/negatives.
  • Edit: I guess the only bad type of answer here in my mind is college only or Len Bias type of answers, because I've no idea what professional Len would have become.

Who are you and why?
 

lovegtm

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Just taking a moment to engage in a bit of frivolous fandom. With a nod to Barbara Walters and her "if you were a tree, what tree would you be" question...

So in another thread I mentioned that if I were overnight transformed into a 20 year old basketball player with elite athleticism and a feel for the game of basketball I think I'd be a Gordon Haywire type player. A glue guy, jack of all trades, morphing into what the team needs on a nightly basis. Maybe another would be Al Horford. I've no interest in the limelight, let the others have it. I just want to win, and in whatever way I can help do it in the next game. I'll work on what I need to, I'll grow my game, but the reporters won't be seeking me out for too much by way of quotes.

Qualifiers:
  • This hypothetical player is the healthy/peak version of himself, and will have a reasonably long career.
  • I'm asking about who you are on court, and in the locker room. Don't tell me anything about your ride, your crib, your charity work, I don't care about any personal life quirks/foibles/negatives.
  • Edit: I guess the only bad type of answer here in my mind is college only or Len Bias type of answers, because I've no idea what professional Len would have become.

Who are you and why?
Great thread idea.

I’m Joel Embiid.

I’m talented, learn skills fast, and love the game when it’s coming easily to me. I love talking smack to other players. I can focus in and dominate for small stretches.

When injuries start, I mentally check out. Rehab is boring. Stretching is for losers. If they don’t put the team around me I want, screw that front office.
 

RetractableRoof

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Great thread idea.

I’m Joel Embiid.

I’m talented, learn skills fast, and love the game when it’s coming easily to me. I love talking smack to other players. I can focus in and dominate for small stretches.

When injuries start, I mentally check out. Rehab is boring. Stretching is for losers. If they don’t put the team around me I want, screw that front office.
lol, I love it.
 

tims4wins

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I think I'd be a defensive first player, talk some smack, maybe hit a 3 from time to time. Bruce Bowen?
 

nighthob

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Because I was the fat kid growing up. So I always rooted for him when he turned up in a training camp. Same reason I always rooted for the Baconator (aka Glen Davis).
 

RetractableRoof

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Because I was the fat kid growing up. So I always rooted for him when he turned up in a training camp. Same reason I always rooted for the Baconator (aka Glen Davis).
That works... does that mean I should have picked a short kid guy with glasses? lol
 

RorschachsMask

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Smart. Love playing defense, good anticipation on both sides of the court. Can hit 10 straight or miss 20, but will keep shooting either way.
 

RetractableRoof

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Smart. Love playing defense, good anticipation on both sides of the court. Can hit 10 straight or miss 20, but will keep shooting either way.
Yes, there's something irresistible about his game... despite the aneurysm I feel like he's going to cause me in the moment of some games.
 

BaseballJones

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Well everyone who watches me that's old enough to remember says my post moves and shot blocking are the spitting image of Kevin McHale. Of course, I'm not 6'10" tall with a 7'6" wingspan, because if I was, you'd see my name on basketball-reference.com. Alas I'm a mere 6'0" tall sooooooo....

I'd probably be a much smaller version of Kevin McHale.
 

RetractableRoof

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Well everyone who watches me that's old enough to remember says my post moves and shot blocking are the spitting image of Kevin McHale. Of course, I'm not 6'10" tall with a 7'6" wingspan, because if I was, you'd see my name on basketball-reference.com. Alas I'm a mere 6'0" tall sooooooo....

I'd probably be a much smaller version of Kevin McHale.
I wonder in today's game how much mileage the up and under and up and under and wiggle through put back would get. Probably more than when he was destroying people with it.
 

Dick Pole Upside

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JJ Barea

Known for his time at a local college, the little-engine-that-(sorta)-could.

Not tall enough, not fast enough, not strong enough, but a complete pest and valued member of a championship team. And my wife... ;)
 

RetractableRoof

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JJ Barea

Known for his time at a local college, the little-engine-that-(sorta)-could.

Not tall enough, not fast enough, not strong enough, but a complete pest and valued member of a championship team. And my wife... ;)
Um, your wife is JJ Barea?

The Reggie, LaFleur, McDuffie, Corcoran, Fuller team was the best, but I loved watching Barea at NU.
 

Kliq

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If I was just going off what my actual game is like, proportional to NBA talent I’m JJ Redick.

Just going by personality, probably Jared Dudley. Maybe Richard Jefferson but I’m painfully unathletic so that might be a stretch.
 

RetractableRoof

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If I was just going off what my actual game is like, proportional to NBA talent I’m JJ Redick.

Just going by personality, probably Jared Dudley. Maybe Richard Jefferson but I’m painfully unathletic so that might be a stretch.
Neah, in this thread, you are a graceful elite athlete. Enjoy your moment in the sun! Jefferson is a cool choice.
 

BaseballJones

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I wonder in today's game how much mileage the up and under and up and under and wiggle through put back would get. Probably more than when he was destroying people with it.
Well guys don’t really know how to defend the post anymore because nobody posts up. I think McHale would destroy guys down low in today’s game.
 

Was (Not Wasdin)

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The Boston College version of John Bagley. Short, fat, give zero fcuks, and when I'm on I will destroy you, no matter who you are (like #1 DePaul in 1982 with Terry Cummings).
 

Light-Tower-Power

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If we’re basing this off our actual games I’m probably Luke Harangody. No handle, ugly jumper that sometimes goes in, and very white. He’s a hair taller.
 

ifmanis5

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Facilitator and good defender. Make sure Tarp and Ronaldo gets their shots up so I'm pretty much Derek Harper.
Will anyone cop to being a full on chucker?
 

Sam Ray Not

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Let's see, 5'-9", right-handed with no left to speak of, not really good at anything, but occasionally would get hot enough (especially from the right elbow and baseline) where someone on the other team would say "cover him!"

So I guess ... Steph Curry?
 

Jimbodandy

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Let's see, 5'-9", right-handed with no left to speak of, not really good at anything, but occasionally would get hot enough (especially from the right elbow and baseline) where someone on the other team would say "cover him!"

So I guess ... Steph Curry?
You and Baynes Hogan really weren't required to submit written answers.
 

Bernie Carbohydrate

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Hopeless shooter, but got a primitive low post game. Always playing defense (to make up for the lack of offensive cred), excellent passer inside but hopeless in the open court (no handle, please come steal the ball from me). Collects offensive rebounds because no point guard with any sense would call an offensive set designed to get me the ball, so I have a lot of free time when my team has possession. Every once in a while will send a message with a clean, hard foul.

If I were 6'11 instead of 5'11 I'd be Caldwell Jones.
 

RetractableRoof

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Let's see, 5'-9", right-handed with no left to speak of, not really good at anything, but occasionally would get hot enough (especially from the right elbow and baseline) where someone on the other team would say "cover him!"

So I guess ... Steph Curry?
I will admit a bit of a premonition WRT your choice! Lol
 

RetractableRoof

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Hopeless shooter, but got a primitive low post game. Always playing defense (to make up for the lack of offensive cred), excellent passer inside but hopeless in the open court (no handle, please come steal the ball from me). Collects offensive rebounds because no point guard with any sense would call an offensive set designed to get me the ball, so I have a lot of free time when my team has possession. Every once in a while will send a message with a clean, hard foul.

If I were 6'11 instead of 5'11 I'd be Caldwell Jones.
Damn, that's good. Can we say a "mostly clean foul"?
 

tmracht

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I would probably be Jared Sullinger if I were slightly taller. I was pretty good inside 4 feet, pretty good rebounding and love Fuddruckers at Foxwoods.
 

Ale Xander

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Big Baby Glen Davis

Shoot a little, rebound a little, but mainly set screens and be emotional. On the heavy side, too.
 

RetractableRoof

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I would probably be Jared Sullinger if I were slightly taller. I was pretty good inside 4 feet, pretty good rebounding and love Fuddruckers at Foxwoods.
ah ah ah, no off court information - good or bad... lol

Sullinger is an interesting player. Sometimes a player just has to embrace what they are good at.
 

jmcc5400

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Steve Nash. Probing, pass first, capable shooter, all around good guy.

And a massive liability on defense.
 

mauf

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Charles Barkley.

He's a couple inches taller than me, and while he was obviously a transcendent athlete (albeit in a somewhat unconventional way), he was a superstar mostly because he was insanely intense and competitive. He's also a smart guy with a larger-than-life personality. Who wouldn't want to be that guy?
 

RetractableRoof

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Charles Barkley.

He's a couple inches taller than me, and while he was obviously a transcendent athlete (albeit in a somewhat unconventional way), he was a superstar mostly because he was insanely intense and competitive. He's also a smart guy with a larger-than-life personality. Who wouldn't want to be that guy?
Me... the pressure to come up with that good quote would be draining. I'll be the teammate in the corner, just shaking my head at your outrageousness.
 

RetractableRoof

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Steve Nash. Probing, pass first, capable shooter, all around good guy.

And a massive liability on defense.
Another cool choice. I've seen a video somewhere of the way he shot during training, or maybe even before games - can't remember which. It was very methodical, and thorough. Almost OCD level adherence to his routine.
 

Montana Fan

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I'd be the guy I modeled my game after. Cornbread Maxwell. I had a small dose of passing skills that caused the brothers to call me Larry but I couldn't shoot from distance. Loved, loved, loved to get offensive rebounds and make deceptive passes.
 

RetractableRoof

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I'd be the guy I modeled my game after. Cornbread Maxwell. I had a small dose of passing skills that caused the brothers to call me Larry but I couldn't shoot from distance. Loved, loved, loved to get offensive rebounds and make deceptive passes.
This is great. One of the fun things about watching Smart is his (seemingly new) comfort level making the jaw dropping passes.