Why Do I Continue to Read Peter King?

[Leather]

Right?  His grammar is really, really, off all over the place.  It's just lazy and awful.
 
I mean, take this one, which is kind of the crux of the whole piece:
 

Patriots' Day in Boston, a local holiday, with the earliest ballgame annually on the pro sports calendar (11:05 a.m. at Fenway Park), and the Boston Marathon, is the kind of day I always had to explain to those not from the Northeast, commemorating the first battles of the Revolutionary War in 1775, in nearby Lexington and Concord.

 
So, he has a hard time explaining to people not from the Northeast, [who are] commemorating the first battles of the Revolutionary War? 
 
It's just awful.  It's like he throws a comma in there and thinks "Good enough."  There are FIVE commas in that shitty sentence.
 
Any editor at all would have broken that down into something like:
 
"Patriots Day commemorates the first battles of the Revolutionary War, which took place in nearby Lexington and Concord in 1775.  I've often found it necessary to explain this to  those not from the Northeast, who are often curious why, in addition to being the day of the Boston Marathon, this local holiday is the day that the the Red Sox play the earliest ballgame on the pro sports calendar (at 11:05 AM)."
 
I mean, it's not perfect, but fuck off whydoncha.

 

[sean1562]

i also love the response to the email that explicitly lays out the reasoning for the patriots offering Emmanuel sanders a one year contract in very clear and understandable language. the emailer literally tells him why it makes sense and his response is "well, it still makes no sense to me!!!"

 

[Corsi]

It's like he produced that column using Dragon Speech Recognition software while pushing out a stinky.

 

[soxfan121]

 

And I'll just stop there.  I give up.  What a fucking shit face ass clown.

 
I love you. Thanks.

 

[Mystic Merlin]

In other words, Peter King's column about the Boston Marathon tragedy is all about him, and nothing about the people who were there, the Marathon, or Boston.

 

[JimD]

Now I know the healing has begun.

 

[lostjumper]

Well done Dr. Leather. You never dissapoint. It's sad and pathetic that in an article meant to honor the victims of the bombing was instead used to talk about how HE LIVES IN MANHATTEN NOW!!! but still has all of these personal connections to Boston. I've read several other articles, and all were nicely done and a few got me choked up. PK's column is the only one that pissed me off.

 

[joe dokes]

It's like he produced that column using Dragon Speech Recognition software while pushing out a stinky.

 
I wonder if what King did here is to *intentionally* make it *seem* informal and rushed, as though he scribbled the words on an ace bandage while distraught, feeling as though he was walking semi-conscious through shards of glass. His (more-than-usual) incoherence is his way of awarding himself a medal.

Meanwhile, people like Charlie Pierce and Chad Finn (among many, many, many others), who were right there, produced infinitely better work in one one-billionth the time.

 

[Leather]

Well, that's exactly what he's trying to do.  It's as if he's picturing the reader imaging King sitting down, and then having these images flash through his head, so vivid that he can't take the moment to put into words exactly what he wants to say, because they have all been dashed so abruptly, so sadly.

 

[pappymojo]

With a little help, I feel like he could have written a touching article if he focused on his memory of watching his brother finish the marathon 12 years ago.  He could have talked about the immense feelings that overwhelm you watching athletes finish that race - pride, humility, motivation, love of humanity, etc.
 
He could have talked about sports (it is Sports Illustrated after all) and how watching an athlete accomplish greatness can transcend our limited worldviews, opening us up to a greater sense of faith in the face of the levels of greatness that humanity can accomplish. 
 
Then, he could have talked about how much he loved his brother.  He could have talked about how he fought cancer and compared that against how he trained for the race, and he could have tied those thoughts to the victims who are just now being forced to face their own challenges of rehabilitation and grieving. 
 
He could have talked about death and loss and love and cancer and strength and not giving up.  He could have talked about what it means to be human.  He could have tied it all to the Boston Marathon and to his memories of that event so many years ago, and he even could have talked about himself and what he is going through without coming across as a total self-absorbed moron. 

Instead he told us how many times he ate at that restaurant and how many times he ate at this restaurant and how many shoes he bought at this store, etc. 
 
Just awful. 

Weird.

 

[tims4wins]

I still can't get over this
 

And, watching from 200 miles away -- I live in Manhattan now --

 
He literally mentions this in every single column.

 

[Leather]

And not once has it been relevant to the story he's telling.

 

[MyDaughterLovesTomGordon]

Right?  His grammar is really, really, off all over the place.  It's just lazy and awful.

 
This one got me:
 

I thought of the nearly three years my wife and I called Boston home, of the sights and local businesses we frequented in the area, and the people that worked there.

 
"people that"? "People" needing "who" as a relative pronoun is sixth grade stuff. 

 

[JohnnyTheBone]

What a ham-fisted butcher he is.  If Peter King was a member of SoSH, his writing would be reprimanded for sucking.  It is mind-boggling that this same person is literally at the top of his profession.  I'm actually insulted by how poor this "tribute" piece is.  King should be embarrassed.  

 

[tims4wins]

He also needs another "of" since he includes it in the first and second part of the sentence. It should read "and OF the people that worked there".
 
The Kingster don't need no editor!

 

[MyDaughterLovesTomGordon]

I also feel like it's a really poor decision to make the piece part of his "regular" writing. 
 
The whole "and now on to your emails" finish was really jarring. It's like, "okay - got that out of the way - whew! pretending to give a shit about other people is hard! - now, back to the regular programming!"

 

[Ray Culp]

King is fucking Lina Lamont from "Singin' in the Rain": 
 
"If we bring a little joy into your humdrum lives, it makes us feel as
though our hard work ain't been in vain for nothin'. Bless you all."
 
The attitude, the grammar...it's a perfect, from Manhattan, match.

 

[JimD]

King's column is like the sports journalism version of lip-synching.

 

[DJnVa]

He did a haiku about the marathon...

 
Next Patriots Day,
I must ask -- no, I demand:
Come en masse to Mass

 

 

[Leather]

I'm sure law enforcement would be just thrilled.

 

[MyDaughterLovesTomGordon]

I'm astounded by the haiku. Does he really not see how trivializing that is?

 

[DJnVa]

I'm astounded by the haiku. Does he really not see how trivializing that is?

 
Peter King has not yet become self-aware.

 

[Corsi]

9. Hydrate, Jags. In the first eight weeks, Jacksonville travels to Oakland, Seattle, Denver and London.
 

I don't get this.  Why hydrate?  None of those cities are particularly warm in the fall.  Sure, it's a lot of miles, but I didn't strap a CamelBak to myself the last time I visited Europe.
 

 

[ChinaCat2]

I don't get this.  Why hydrate?  None of those cities are particularly warm in the fall.  Sure, it's a lot of miles, but I didn't strap a CamelBak to myself the last time I visited Europe.
 

 
I think maybe its a statement about staying hydrated on long plane flights.
Its a very weird statement however.

 

[Leather]

I'd bet $50 he read somewhere recently, as part of his recent travelling for The Business, that flying dehydrates you.
 
Of course, it's not like that tidbit of knowledge has any material application when talking about a pro sports team, but he wanted to drop it in there anyway.

 

[Corsi]

Maybe it's just me, but when this week's edition of the magazine landed in your mailboxes on Wednesday (some on Thursday), I wonder how many of you wondered, "Wow. They got the Boston bombing story on the cover, with some really good stuff inside. How'd they do that?"

 

Did anyone -- ANYONE -- ask themselves this?  The bombing took place at 2:50 EST on Monday; the magazine hit newsstands/mailboxes Wednesday and Thursday.  Dedicating the cover and two columns to the marathon isn't the miracle that King thinks it is.
 
He writes "This is a little bit of an inside-baseball thing, and I understand if you want to skip it, but it interests me," and then dedicates 1,067 words to this non-story that no one gives a damn about.
 
This guy truly is the most self-indulgent turd I've ever seen.

 

[John Marzano Olympic Hero]

Those are the type of things I used to care about 25 years ago when I first got SI and was 13-years-old. But now that I'm 38 and have a very rudimentary grasp of the magazine publishing world AND the Internet has made things way, way more immediate, I don't give a shit. In fact, if I were to still get SI in the mail, I'd probably say "This story happened on Monday and most of the information is already dated. Nice try, SI."
 
But I'm glad Peter King is astounded by technology that is well over a century old.

 

[CoffeeNerdness]

That's definitely the kind of media savvy you want from the guy running your new website, SI.  
 
What type of things would King be pondering if he wrote in a different era?  Perforated toilet paper, TV dinner trays, the Dewey Decimal System?

 

[Leather]

Can we agree to boycott King's site?

 

[soxfan121]

Can we agree to boycott King's site?

 
1. Greg Bedard. So, no. 
2. You can't boycott King's site. How else am I to continue my boycott of King? I get my King-ly takedowns here and only here, baby.

 

[joe dokes]

That's definitely the kind of media savvy you want from the guy running your new website, SI.  
 
What type of things would King be pondering if he wrote in a different era?  Perforated toilet paper, TV dinner trays, the Dewey Decimal System?

 
He'd ponder all of them ---- 25 years after they became staples of everyday living.

 

[Dogman]

Absolutely.  I stopped clicking SI years ago anyway, nothing will change.  Honestly, if not for you drleather or KSK, I would never even read snippets of his pig fucking filth.

 

[Leather]

Did it strike anyone else as typically not-as-impressive-as-King-thinks-it-is that he doesn't think to reach out to his daughter about being in/around Microsoft (when he knows that it's a possibility) until he's actually there?   
 
He basically admits that it's an afterthought (and as a result only sees her for 6 minutes). But my favorite thing is that he has a section called "I am A Proud Papa" and it's about some writer who happens to be his daughter's age joining the staff of his website.

 

[coremiller]

Did it strike anyone else as typically not-as-impressive-as-King-thinks-it-is that he doesn't think to reach out to his daughter about being in/around Microsoft (when he knows that it's a possibility) until he's actually there?   
 
He basically admits that it's an afterthought (and as a result only sees her for 6 minutes). But my favorite thing is that he has a section called "I am A Proud Papa" and it's about some writer who happens to be his daughter's age joining the staff of his website.

 
Seemed to me as just an excuse to drop in that he a) has a daughter who works for Microsoft, and b) is important enough that he was doing business on the Microsoft campus last week.  Did you know he was also on the Nike campus during the same week?  What an important fellow.  Dare I say, BMOC?

 

[24JoshuaPoint]

Wow. I know he is a self absorbed f*ckface but he really out did himself. I'm glad his eyeglasses are relevant to those sitting in the hospital right now.

 

[Leather]

Seemed to me as just an excuse to drop in that he a) has a daughter who works for Microsoft, and b) is important enough that he was doing business on the Microsoft campus last week.  Did you know he was also on the Nike campus during the same week?  What an important fellow.  Dare I say, BMOC?

 
Of course that's what his ulterior motive was.
 
You're missing my point.  
 
My point is that the anecdote is placed there to ostensibly show how he loves his daughter so, and to give a little loving snapshot of them meeting for a short time all the way over in Seattle.   But the thing is, his anecdote in the context of everything else in his column demonstrates how little he actually thinks about his daughter.   He's so fucking busy in The Business, and sending emails/texts/tweets to NFL draft gurus and writers for his new site that he didn't even think to check in with his own fucking daughter until he was almost literally at her doorstep.   No phone call the previous week to mention "Hey, I might be in Portland/Seattle, you gonna be around?" or at the very least, an email saying "Hey, I'm going to be in your backyard next week, where should I get a coffee?" 
 
She's totally out of sight, out of mind.   But he plays off his "Oh fuck, my daughter that I barely ever see anymore works around here sometimes, maybe I should give her a call" moment is supposed to make me all warm inside. 

 

[johnmd20]

I think you guys might get a kick out of this one.
 
My wife just got back from walking the dog and she walks in and says, "There is this guy who moved into our building 5 or 6 months ago and he is always hanging out in the lobby in gym shorts and sweatshirts no matter the time of day or the weather. He's pretty weird looking."(verbatim)
 
So I open up some Google images and show her the famous Peter King and she was like, "THAT'S the sportswriter you were talking about? He must be good at his job to always look like that."
 
I was like, "Yeah, about that 'good at his job' thing. . . ."
 
Peter King, making fans up and down the coast by his mere appearance alone.

 

[Corsi]

I think you guys might get a kick out of this one.
 
My wife just got back from walking the dog and she walks in and says, "There is this guy who moved into our building 5 or 6 months ago and he is always hanging out in the lobby in gym shorts and sweatshirts no matter the time of day or the weather. He's pretty weird looking."(verbatim)
 
So I open up some Google images and show her the famous Peter King and she was like, "THAT'S the sportswriter you were talking about? He must be good at his job to always look like that."
 
I was like, "Yeah, about that 'good at his job' thing. . . ."
 
Peter King, making fans up and down the coast by his mere appearance alone.

 
I hope she gave him some spare change.

 

[ifmanis5]

So what do you figure King's day is like today on draft day? Lots of mooching free food, dropping names and 'I told ya so's' I would imagine. In other words, Thursday.

 

[bbc23]

There's absolutely no question his goal is seeing how much screen time he can get in that Kevin Costner NFL draft movie to show how much of a bigshot he is .

 

[ifmanis5]

There's absolutely no question his goal is seeing how much screen time he can get in that Kevin Costner NFL draft movie to show how much of a bigshot he is .

Oh no doubt. He'd love to drop a 'my good friend Kevin' bomb at some point.

 

[John Marzano Olympic Hero]

Oh no doubt. He'd love to drop a 'my good friend Kevin' bomb at some point.

 
No way. It would be a complete and disingenuous humblebrag twisted into a banal and fairly obvious observation about the movie industry. 

 

[Corsi]

No way. It would be a complete and disingenuous humblebrag twisted into a banal and fairly obvious observation about the movie industry biz.

 
Fixed.

 

[Leather]

Actual Headline:
 
"King Recaps 'Weird' First Round"

 

[Corsi]

Actual Headline:
 
"King Recaps 'Weird' First Round"

 
Actual quote:
 
"One of the weirdest drafts that anyone has ever seen."

 

[Leather]

weird
 [weerd] Show IPA
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: odd, bizarre
Synonyms:
awe-inspiring, awful, creepy*, curious, dreadful, eccentric, eerie*, far-out, fearful, flaky*, freaky, funky*, ghastly, ghostly, grotesque, haunting, horrific, inscrutable, kinky*, kooky, magical, mysterious, occult, oddball, ominous, outlandish, peculiar, preternatural, queer, secret, singular, spooky*, strange, supernal, supernatural, uncanny, uncouth, unearthly, unnatural

 

[ifmanis5]

He said 'weird' about 10x but his analysis was that the teams who needed meat and potatoes drafted accordingly and that the skill position players weren't all that highly valued so most teams also drafted accordingly based on that assumption. Why is that weird?

 

[Leather]

It's not.  It's just that last week he didn't feel like putting in the work to try and figure out who was going where (and nobody he knew would tell him, so he couldn't plagiarize), so he threw his hands up and said "I don't know, guys!  This draft is just TOO WEIRD TO PREDICT!"
 
At that point it became a self-fulfilling prophecy that he would proclaim the results "Weird."
 
And it came to pass.  "Look, I was right!  Draft was REALLY WEIRD!"
 
Seriously, what a half-assed job this guy does.  

 

[Shelterdog]

He said 'weird' about 10x but his analysis was that the teams who needed meat and potatoes drafted accordingly and that the skill position players weren't all that highly valued so most teams also drafted accordingly based on that assumption. Why is that weird?

 
I'm not here to defend King's word choice but the positional distribution (and apparently the talent distribution) is very odd this year--including Mingo as a DL there were 18 OL and DL drafted in the first which I'll guess is about twice the normal number, and the difference was made up largely in the offensive skill positions (5 drafted). 

It's an obvious observation by King, but he did state it insipidly!

 

[Corsi]

I'm not here to defend King's word choice but the positional distribution (and apparently the talent distribution) is very odd this year--including Mingo as a DL there were 18 OL and DL drafted in the first which I'll guess is about twice the normal number, and the difference was made up largely in the offensive skill positions (5 drafted). 

It's an obvious observation by King, but he did state it insipidly!

 
It's out of the norm of what we've come to expect, but this first round really wasn't unforeseen.  We knew there would be a run on OL early on, and that no WR besides Austin was a lock to be taken in the 1st.  Nothing that happened was remotely "weird."  
 
Anyone paying attention for the few weeks leading up to the draft pretty much saw something like this coming.  But we can't fault King for not realizing that.  He's been blazing trails all over America selling ads for his new biz.