Why Do I Continue to Read Peter King?

CoffeeNerdness

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It seems like laziness but I wonder if the guy thinks that searching the internet is a cumbersome, intimidating ordeal.
 
I went to Boston Tuesday night to catch a Red Sox game. Nothing of great substance happened, other than a good night out with some friends and family. And a wonderful meal—at Eastern Standard, around the corner from Fenway Park on Commonwealth Avenue. If you like a place with a fine menu and a better beer menu—and a place where the wait staff can talk about the beer the way Italian waiters can talk about wine at a restaurant in Italy—Eastern Standard’s the place for you.
 
 
 
I stole this from somewhere else, but really at this point Peter King's columns could form a masterclass in how not to write.
 

SidelineCameras

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 I went to Boston Tuesday night to catch a Red Sox game. Nothing of great substance happened, other than a good night out with some friends and family.
 
 
Was this the 2-1 Sox victory over the Tigers? If so, "nothing of great substance" was a fantastic pitchers duel between the two best teams in the AL. A rare loss for perhaps the most dominating starter in baseball this year, who really only had one bad inning. A game that might help decide home field advantage in the ALCS. You know, nothing of great substance. 
 
edit: spelling
 

John Marzano Olympic Hero

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SidelineCameras said:
 
 
Was this the 2-1 Sox victory over the Tigers? If so, "nothing of great substance" was a fantastic pitchers duel between the two best teams in the AL. A rare loss for perhaps the most dominating starter in baseball this year, who really only had one bad inning. A game that might help decide home field advantage in the ALCS. You know, nothing of great substance. 
 
edit: spelling
 
This was the 2-1 game and I was thinking the same thing. It was probably the most complete game the Sox have played all year and if we can extend that out, probably the best game they've played since 2011. But it wasn't enough for King Peter King. And I bet that he didn't have to pay for his tickets. 
 

Corsi

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He's probably ticked off they weren't serving Trappist beers in his private box.
 
Corsi said:
He's probably ticked off they weren't serving Trappist beers Allagash White in his private box.
 
"I had to put up with some weird beer called Berkshire or something! How weird! F- on the Beernerdness scale!"
 
I think the thing that's more annoying to me is his choice of restaurant recommendation. I like TES, they do indeed serve good food, but the thing that's memorable about it for me is that it's right goddamn next to the T. And I'd get that if he were a sportswriter from Oklahoma or something, but didn't he live in Boston for a couple years or something? If so, it's a damned travesty that THAT is his recommendation.
 

URI

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I dunno, Eastern Standard has a fantastic menu, and their bar program is nationally recognized.  If someone was going to a Red Sox game or was going to be in the Fenway area and they wanted something that was pretty decent, I would recommend Eastern Standard in a heartbeat.
 
I think this might be a blind squirrel/nut situation but King picked a really good restaurant to columnbate over.
 

Leather

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b. How great is Calvin Johnson? Started this season the way he ended last: with an acrobatic touchdown catch—even if it was overturned.
 
 
It wasn't a catch. 
 
d. Green abused Charles Tillman, an excellent corner.
 
 
This is me being a pedant and old-farty, but I'll say it anyway:  it's beneath King, or any respectable journalist (EDIT:  I laughed when I re-read this. Oh well.), to use the word "abused" in that context.  I know what he means ("made Tillman look bad"), and he should just say that.  The term "abused" in this context is slang, and is in poor taste, given that it is meant to evoke images of actual abuse (to women, children, etc...).   It's a step away from saying "Green raped Charles Tillman, an excellent corner."      I know King doesn't mean it that way, but when you are paid to write, you should think about every word you use.  He should just say what he means, instead of trying to force a modern, "cool", phrase that he probably heard a 23 year old in the bathroom say. 
 
Also:  how about some stats to back up the underlying claim?
 
i. David Wilson needs to go to the Tiki Barber School of Ball Control. I might be serious about that. Barber should call him.
 
 
Are you serious or not?  Christ, make up your fucking mind.
 
3. I think I gained some respect for the old passing games—the downfield, bombs-away passing games—when looking at the men Peyton Manning tied with his seven touchdown passes Thursday. Manning’s stat line: 27 of 42, 462 yards, 11.0 yards per attempt, seven touchdowns, no interceptions. Y.A. Tittle’s in 1963: 27 of 29, 505 yards, 12.9 yards per attempt, seven touchdowns, no interceptions.
 
 
Ok, so one guy way back when had an even better game than Peyton did.  What's your point?  You didn't know who Y.A. Tittle was until Thursday?  And who are these other "men" that you speak of, you mention one.
 
4. I think, for those who tell you Peyton Manning has become a dinker-and-dunker in his dotage, tell them this: His average yards per attempt in 14 Indianapolis seasons was 7.6. His yards per attempt in 17 Denver games: 8.2.
 
 
I dunno.  Yards after catch?   I mean...you're the one disputing the assertion, how about you flesh out your argument rather than use a cherry-picked stat?
 
 
7. I think, as I reported on NBC over the weekend, that we can have whatever opinion we want about the fruitlessness of the mission Tim Tebow is on...
 
 
Thanks!  Now I feel justified in having an opinion on Tim Tebow.  Is it okay if I have an opinion on hot dogs?  What about the color green?  Can I like green?
 
9. I think Jerry Jones, Dan Snyder and Bob Kraft—and all the other owners in the league who believe, strangely, in attracting fans to the stadium rather than repelling them—are laughing this morning at this: Notre Dame and Michigan celebrated the largest crowd in college football history (115,109) Saturday night in Ann Arbor by apparently deciding not to play again in Ann Arbor until at least 2020, and maybe never again. Such a good idea, to give the public less of what it’s crying out for.
 
 
You do know, fatface, that all those people showed up in large part because they won't be playing again in Ann Arbor for 7 years
 

Leather

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a. Remember one thing, all you Springsteenians, who wanted to see a more Jersey look for the Super Bowl halftime show and got Bruno Mars instead:
 
 
Oh my god.  What the fuck is a "Springsteenian"?  I've seen Springsteen 20 times and I've never heard that phrase before, you miserable fucker.  Don't speak for people like me.  Oh, and the people who aren't like me don't even give a shit about whether or not he plays the SB again.  And even a large (I'd guess overwhelming) percentage of Springsteen fans are quite happy that he won't be.   King is desperately unhip.  I mean, he's not even cool enough to be a Springsteen fan in 2013, which is a really low bar.  We don't want him.   Maybe the Rush fans will have him, but I don't know.
 
Halftime shows are done to attract a non-football audience,
 
 
"Like Prince, who is like...really girly and weird..."
 
I couldn’t tell you the difference between Bruno Mars and a Mars bar.
 
 
:bahgawd:
 
But 56-year-old men aren’t the focus of the league when it comes to halftime shows at the Super Bowl.
 
 
I love how King feels the need to point this out after a decade of using his pulpit to pass judgment on the last 10 years of Super Bowl halftime shows, the vast majority of which were, in fact, targeted at 56 year old men.
 
 
b. I have to tell you it got quiet in the NBC Football Night in America Red Sox Wing when the Jacoby Ellsbury foot news came in Sunday. He’ll miss some time with an injury.
 
 
Oh thank GOD some people in the world care about the Red Sox!  Whatever would us Red Sox fans do without King letting us know that there are others like us?
 
c. This is saying a lot, but the just-completed four-game Yankees-Red Sox series is in the modern era top five Yankees-Red Sox series for weirdness.
 
 
WHY?!?!?!
 
What do you MEAN?!
 
d. Thanks, Lake Bell, for being a fan of The MMQB. You’re good at movies too.
 
 
Wait...in addition to...what?  She's good at movies, and...?  Or did Lake Bell tell King that he was good at movies? 
 
Very odd.
 

coremiller

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I love him citing Dan Snyder as an example of an owner attracting fans to the stadium.  I'd be hard-pressed to name an owner who has done more to repel his own fans than Dan Snyder.  
 

Leather

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By the way, this is Lake Bell:
 
[SOXFAN121 HATES HOT WOMEN]
 
So I mean...what the fuck? 
 
Oh, and how many times has Peter jerked it to Lake Bell in the past 48 hours?   Twice (given the limiting factor is how often he can get it up)?
 
e. Feeling stupid for ignoring Breaking Bad.
 
 
Well, hey, that surprises nobody.
 
. Denver’s so underrated.
 
 
Is it?  Fucking everyone I know wants to move to Denver, except the people that actually spent some time living there (if that makes sense).   The general gist I get (which jibes with my own experiences) is this:  the nearby scenery and outdoors opportunities (of which King would avail himself to none) are wonderful, but the city itself is kind of shitty. 
 
 
g. But the one thing about the city, if you’re there once or three times a year for short stays, is how dehydration just sneaks up on you. Last Wednesday, in mid-afternoon, I’m wondering why I have this headache. I never get headaches. And a friend said to me, “Drink water. Drink a lot of water here. That’s from dehydration.” He was right.
 
 
Peter King, the highest profile NFL writer in the country, a man who writes about sports for a living, who interviews players, coaches, trainers, etc. on a weekly basis...
 
Is unfamiliar with the concept of hydration.
 
Every fucking travel tip when going to Denver is:  hydrate more than you would, and don't drink too much alcohol because it will affect you more. 
 
By the way:  enough with the fucking talking about the awesome power that Denver's altitude has on people's physiology.  It's really not a big deal for the vast majority of people, and even the ones that are affected acclimate after about 24 hours.  You're not visiting the fucking Himalaya.  Christ.  I mean, Albuquerque has the same elevation but you never hear people bleating and moaning about how hard it is to function there..   If you aren't exerting yourself, 5,200 feet in elevation is really not a big deal at all if you are in any kind of decent shape.  
 
 
i. Beernerdness: Subbing a wine this week: I remembered having a Cabernet called “Educated Guess” a few months ago in New Jersey. The owner of the place told me it was a Wayne Gretzky wine from the Napa Valley, and it was terrific. Found it in Denver Wednesday night at our NBC dinner, and the crowd went wild. Very good value.
 
 
 Oh, well, Wayne Gretzky and New Jersey!  Those are two things that just scream "wine connoisseur" to me!  SOLD!
 

JimD

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Since when does the SB halftime performer have anything to do with the location of the game.  I'd have to think that Bruno Mars is a pretty good get.
 
The talk of a NY-NJ Super Bowl had been around for quite a while - maybe Bruce should have waited instead of doing the XLIII gig in 2009.
 

soxfan121

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1. Does Lake Bell have a submerged landing strip or is that just an optical illusion based on angle, lighting and water refraction?
 
2. Is this thread now NSFW?
 
3. If yes to #2, am I getting fired for reading the goddamned Peter King thread?
 

DLew On Roids

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coremiller said:
I love him citing Dan Snyder as an example of an owner attracting fans to the stadium.  I'd be hard-pressed to name an owner who has done more to repel his own fans than Dan Snyder.  
 
As a lifelong fan of Washington's professional football team, I could not agree more. 
 
And I'd bet Peter King has listened to Bruno Mars' music for a total of less than 10 minutes.
 

Dollar

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3. I think I gained some respect for the old passing games—the downfield, bombs-away passing games—when looking at the men Peyton Manning tied with his seven touchdown passes Thursday. Manning’s stat line: 27 of 42, 462 yards, 11.0 yards per attempt, seven touchdowns, no interceptions. Y.A. Tittle’s in 1963: 27 of 29, 505 yards, 12.9 yards per attempt, seven touchdowns, no interceptions.
 
 
Will he lose some respect for the old passing games when he realizes he got the statistic wrong, and Tittle was 27 of 39 that day?  
 

E5 Yaz

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My favorite moment is Boldin laughing "awkwardly" at King's joke/question about the extra $2M. Boldin probably realizes he's been cornered by this question because if he blows King off or gives him a smartass answer, he'll be a target in MMQB. I imagine Boldin wanting to call King a schmuck, but playing it halfway so King will just get a quote and go away
 
King, of course, takes away from it that his question was so sharp that he must use it to end his Boldin portion of the column
 

MyDaughterLovesTomGordon

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This part gets me:
 
Isn’t it amazing to see so many rookie quarterbacks starting openers in the last couple of years (Smith, Russell Wilson, Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III) be totally cool with the bigness of it all? This used to be unthinkable, starting so early. But now it’s almost expected that a passer with lots of college experience will step in and not embarrass himself.
 
 
Sure, for some dude at the bar, this might be an interesting observation, but it really it's ridiculous for a premier NFL writer to parrot this nonsense. Hey Pete: College Football is fucking big time. Yes, the NFL is bigger time, but it's not like these guys are coming out of high school and stepping into pro ball with no big games on their resumes. These guys play in front of 100k+ people in the big ten. College football in the south is arguably bigger than the NFL. Even small D1 schools draw 30k to their games. They run pro-style offenses and they're on TV and they have press in their faces and it's not THAT different in the NFL. 
 
Why should we expect them to be a bunch of wilting flowers? The average NFL career is what? 3.5 years? Half the guys they're playing against were in college one or two years ago. 
 
Who are all these rookie QBs that used to embarrass themselves all over the place? What does he expect them to do, fall into the fetal position and cry at the sight of a big, bad linebacker coming at them? 
 
What's much more interesting to me is why so many more rookies are starting. How about an observation that teams are turning the page on QBs much quicker, casting aside "savvy veterans" in favor of these rookies? Who are the guys losing their jobs that formerly would have stuck around to "mentor" rookies for a season first? 
 
It's not surprising to me that the rookie QBs are playing well. It's surprising to me that the vet QBs are playing so shitty they can't hold a job. And if all these rookies are playing so well, why are there so many jobs for the rookies to take the next year? 
 

Corsi

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Found it in Denver Wednesday night at our NBC dinner, and the crowd went wild. Very good value.
 
 
Very good value?  A) you're a millionaire, B) you didn't pay for it.
 
 
 
 

Leather

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I'm going to destroy his half marathon time. 
 
It is my sole impetus for training.  I have a picture of Peter King on my mirror that I'm going to crumple up on the morning of October 26 and give myself a long, cold, look.
 
"KINNNGGGGGG!"
 
Time to beat:  2:31:40. 
 
http://www.flrrt.com/results/hm12h.txt
 

THE Stolen Base

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I know, its amazing.  It seems that everyone was 12 years younger when it happened than they are today.  They must have released some sort of aging gas to make everyone get older.
 

Mystic Merlin

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1.) It doesn't seem that recent to me, I gotta say.  In fact, it seems like it was 12 years ago, i.e., half of my natural life.
 
2.) Why is RG3 his special case study?  And the guy is 23 years old, not 33, it's not as if we see him as a grizzled veteran, far removed from youth.  It's like if Peter said something like "Springsteen's halftime performance seems very recent, but RG3 was preparing for his senior prom when it happened".  Umm, ok? 
 
His attempt to speak to our perception of the passage of time and memory is stupid.
 

Leather

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Shelterdog said:
 
I'm shocked that he was that fast--at his age and weight you can't just go out and run that fast, you have to like train and stuff for a while. 
 
Yea.  That's about the same speed my wife runs half marathons, and she's in decent shape.  
 
I think he did train pretty heavily for that one, I seem to recall him mentioning his runs along the Charles river and the Esplanade.  The stories were ostensibly about his training, but were really a vehicle for A) bragging about living in Boston, and B) complaining about people who weren't running.
 
Still, the juxtaposition of Peter, laboring and miserable-looking (with a tucked-in shirt, wtf?) with the three other dudes who are clearly waiting up for him, is not a flattering one.
 
I've never run a half marathon, so my fear of being slower than Peter is sincere motivation. 
 

Shelterdog

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drleather2001 said:
 
 
 
I've never run a half marathon, so my fear of being slower than Peter is sincere motivation. 
 
You'll always have that you write better and know more about football, beer and coffee than he does.
 

cornwalls@6

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Beyond laughable that the grand-standing pant-load can no longer bring himself to type the word Redskins.  Putting aside the issue itself, which reasonable people can differ on, I think. It just smells completely disingenuous on his part, that after all these years covering the league, he is just now moved to protest. To say nothing of the fact the name has not been changed, and until/if it ever is, no one who still fancies himself a reporter/journalist can pretend it doesn't exist anymore, and retain any credibility.   Ass-clown.
 

mrsbeasley

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cornwalls@6 said:
Beyond laughable that the grand-standing pant-load can no longer bring himself to type the word Redskins.  Putting aside the issue itself, which reasonable people can differ on, I think. It just smells completely disingenuous on his part, that after all these years covering the league, he is just now moved to protest. To say nothing of the fact the name has not been changed, and until/if it ever is, no one who still fancies himself a reporter/journalist can pretend it doesn't exist anymore, and retain any credibility.   Ass-clown.
 
I initially felt this way about him and Simmons et al starting up with not using the word Redskins but with a bit more thought it occurred to me that at SOME point if you believe it you have to take this stand. Maybe it should have been done sooner but better to finally come to the realization that you might be able to use your popularity to help get rid of the racist name then to never get to that stage. Here's hoping they start on the "stop the damn tomahawk chop" bandwagon next.
 

z-factor

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mrsbeasley said:
... at SOME point if you believe it you have to take this stand. Maybe it should have been done sooner but better to finally come to the realization that you might be able to use your popularity to help get rid of the racist name then to never get to that stage.
My mother, who has been a die-hard 'Skins fan for 30 years, believes this too.  But her solution was to change the mascot to a small, pink potato and keep the name Redskins. 
 

DLew On Roids

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That was also Tony Kornheiser's suggestion almost 20 years ago.  It's a running joke on his radio show every time someone in the media thinks they're being clever by suggesting it.
 
I hope your mom is better looking than Mr. Tony.
 

Leather

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I'm almost as sick of the "Change the mascot to the potato!" joke as I am of the actual mascot.
 
It's such an implausible, intentionally silly, suggestion that it devalues the legitimacy of the complaint. 
 
It's like going to the doctor and saying "My left hand is broken!" and having the doctor tell you: "Good thing you're a righty!"
 
You know, ha fucking ha.  Stale joke.  What's the harm.
 
But the thing is, there really is a fucking team that is called the Redskins, and offering a stupid, unfunny, non-solution is just obfuscating the problem.
 

Leather

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Rarely have we ever gotten such a real view of life on the edge of an NFL roster. Rarely? Never.
 
 
Rarely has a celebrated writer on a nationally-published website made such a clunky attempt to sound dramatic and failed.  Rarely?  Never.
 

Leather

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e. Can some doctor out there tell me why the University of Minnesota should keep Jerry Kill coaching football after his fourth seizure in three years on a Gopher game day? I don’t want to be insensitive. I’d really like to know if it makes sense to keep him on as coach.
 
 
Um, because they would look like incredible assholes if they fire a guy for a health-related issue, plus they would open themselves up to a lawsuit under the Americans With Disabilities Act and the Minnesota Human Rights Act?* 
 
Who on earth would want to coach at Minnesota after such a clusterfuck?  It's not like it's a top destination for coaching talent, as is. 
 
And, you know, they are in the middle of a season, in which they are 3-0 (non-conference, but still, if you're Minnesota you don't exactly take wins for granted) with the big-money, widely-televised, games (Iowa, Michigan, Northwestern) coming up, and firing the head coach (that the players apparently adore) would completely fuck the Gophers before they had a chance to see if they might actually be half-decent this year, and probably set the program back a few years when they have actually made some incremental progress under Kill toward respectability?
 
If Kill wants to quit, that's his prerogative.  But suggesting Minnesota fire the guy is fucking idiotic.
 
 
 
Not to mention:  Minnesota won the fucking game. 
 
*This goes extra given that the U just finished dealing with a lawsuit regarding how they handled a basketball coach's departure.
 

Corsi

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f. Red Sox reliever Koji Uehara has faced 37 batters in the past month. He has retired all 37. Three of the 37 have hit the ball into the outfield. Sixteen have struck out.
 
g. Has a reliever in major-league history had a better month? Probably. I just don’t know who it would be, or when. To retire 37 in a row, with 34 not getting the ball out of the infield, is quite a feat.
 
 

Am I too lazy to look this up myself or ask one of my thousands of contacts in the sports industry to research this for me?  Probably.
 

Leather

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j. Helton hasn’t been great for five or six years, but he had a better career than you thought. Better career on-base percentage than Albert Pujols (.415 to .410), more hits than Mickey Mantle (2,505 to 2,415), more homers than Yogi Berra (367 to 358), more doubles than Tony Gwynn (585 to 543), better on-base-plus-slugging-percentage than Alex Rodriquez (.954 to .944), and a better lifetime batting average than Derek Jeter (.317 to .312).
 
 
 
"A shout out to all of those incredible athletes from the Eastern Bloc nations during the 1970s and 1980s.  Wow!  What talent.  Just look at all the medals they won!"
 

Leather

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k. Beernerdness: I’ve become a big fan of Brewmaster Jack beers, from Holyoke, Mass. Just tried another of their ales, Aquila Pale Ale. Lighter than most ales, with a malty flavor. Very easy to drink, and tasty.
 
 
He fucking writes the same thing about every beer.  Jesus.  It's clear he's just angling for a free 12-pack in the mail. 
 

Corsi

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drleather2001 said:
 
He fucking writes the same thing about every beer.  Jesus.  It's clear he's just angling for a free 12-pack in the mail. 
 
Very smooth and easy to drink, but the taste was meh.
 
A dark amber look, very hoppy, and for a heavy-alcohol beer, easy to drink.
 
 Dry, easy to drink, with a faint scent of pine.
 
 

Dogman

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Of course they are easy to drink.  All he needs to do is open his fat gullet and pour. Something the entire world can do.  WEIRD!
 

coremiller

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“If we’re not starting fast, it’s my fault. Put that on my shoulders. I’ll take it. We’re not starting fast because of me.”
—Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III, and truer words this season have not yet been spoken. Griffin’s team has fallen behind in the first two games 33-7 after 32 minutes, and 31-7 after 38 minutes.
 
Huh?  How is RG3 responsible for the defense being a total sieve?