I thought I would regale the Husband-Wife Championship debacle from Saturday.
We started on hole 3 - a downhill dogleg left par 5 that is not too hard if you stay in generally good position. Road on left of hole, plenty of room right. There are two ponds near the green, but navigatable, and if one positions correctly, can run the ball up to green between them as needed. We both hit drive in format, then choose best one and alternate shot in from there. Wife is playing from gold tees, which are close to my white tees on a lot of holes, so harder for her. She's a very consistent ball striker, rarely hitting topped or fat shots, while I'm more inconsistent. And I'm hitting drives only 220 these days, so distance is an issue.
Anyway, she hits first, pops a drive into fairway about 150 or so. I hit a decent drive, pulled left, but carries the tree along road and is in play, cutting off the corner, and in light rough with a decent lie. My best shot would not allow her to get to the green in 3, but if she hits her normal shot, I'll have a chance to reach, so we choose my drive. She hits 7 wood...20 feet. Tops it badly. Hadn't done that in months. Rut roh. I now have lie on side of a hump, ball above my feet, but decent lie. I hit a 3 hybrid and make good clean contact, and run the ball left side of fairway to about 110 yds. But we have to go over the pond. She hits her normal club - likely a 6 iron, from a slighlty downhill lie. Catches it a little thin, plunks in the water. Oh shit.
We clarify that the penalty stroke doesn't count in the alternating format, so it's my turn to hit. I drop on a flat area in fringe, about 75 yds away, but still have to clear the pond. Bunkers on left and far right, but clear path to green otherwise. I butterknife my gap wedge, as my son likes to describe such shots, and ball skirts along top of pond. I'm devestated, but also immediately hopeful, as there's a good chance it will skid across. Its does...but hit a rock on far side of edge of pond, pops up straight back, and into the pond. Double Oh Shit.
Lying 7, she hits shot from the same spot, but manages a line drive over the green, over the bunkers. One thing you want to avoid on our course is being above the hole, and this one is no different. For our ninth shot, I've got a downhill sidehill pitch about 10 yrds off the green from the rough that I have to land on the rough to have any chance of stopping it on the green. Miracle of miracles, I do that, and ball ends up still past the hole, and 15 away. Her turn to putt.
She's played a lot of golf this year. She knows the greens, speed etc. She proceeds to pop the putt 8 feet past the hole, and above it, leaving a precarious downhiller. Finally too overcome to hold back, I let out an audible "What the fuck?!?" There's an audible hush amongst our group, and thankfully our playing partners are good friends who know us well enough to not be too alarmed by this run of events. I baby our 11th shot down the hill, just slightly overreading the break, and she taps in for our 12.
The bar cart, like a answered prayer, arrives at the next tee. I order my usual mid round swing elixer of a double Capt. and diet. I asked her if she wants anything, and she says no. "Are you sure?" I re-ask. Nope.
We got 19 strokes that day based on the handicap calculation (60% low handicap, 40% high handicap). We were +6 net after one hole, and finished the day +8 net. Winning score was -4, so we likely had no chance even if we didn't mess up that hole.
As of the typing of the last letter of this post, we are still married.