Optional workout strategies with your own kid

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

OK, so like 99.9% of football programs in the world, this is "optional workout" time for our HS football program. Every day from 7:30 to 9:30 the team gets together and lifts, does speed drills, footwork, etc.

My son, whose whole brand in life has been about putting his head down and focusing to get stuff done, has been skipping these workouts once or twice a week and I am honestly not sure how to manage the situation. For context, he will not have a problem making the team, he is very good at a position where he faces little competition and he won some nice awards for his play last season. But he is also a teenaged boy and that means that there is a ton of silliness roaming around his head.

As his dad, I know he wants to be a captain this season (he will be a Junior, but the Senior class is very weak), and I have used that to motivate him a bit....but once or twice a week he wakes up on death's door, surely about to die, and then around 11:00 he does a "James Brown with the Fabulous Flames" revival and is ready to go do the usual kid summer stuff.

I get this. I HATED summer practice. When I walked off the field for my last game as a senior and everyone was so sad that it was their last game I could only think "I will never do a push up in August again in my life" and I was filled with glee. But I never didn't go. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on how to manage this?

 

[Smiling Joe Hesketh]

Yammer, how old is he?

I might focus on the captaincy part if you're trying to get him motivated, but honestly as a teen he's going to be resistant to motivation from outside, especially from a parent. The only level might be the captaincy. Perhaps the best thing would be if he doesn't work as hard as he could and thus doesn't receive it.

 

[Morgan's Magic Snowplow]

What's he doing at night? Is he hung over these mornings or getting to bed really late?

 

[wade boggs chicken dinner]

You can either bribe him or put up with it but unless there's something else you're not mentioning, I don't believe nagging him or trying to force him to go is productive.

Last summer, before my son quit soccer, he was going from 9 v 9 to 11 v 11 and the coach wanted the boys in top shape so he organized once a week summer runs on Saturday morning. My memory is a little hazy but IIRC, my son committed to being there plus we agreed that I would buy him a video game if he had perfect attendance.

After about 3 weeks in, he started giving me a hard time getting up and to these runs. Eventually, I did a modicum of compromise and said that if he got through all but the last week, he could skip the last week.

He went; he ran; he actually got in really good shape (he almost completed the ManU test - was the only kid that came close); and because we screwed up the weeks, he actually went to every single session and now speaks proudly of it.

But you can set some expectations. Like at the beginning of the week, you can ask him how many sessions he's going to and try to get him to make those.

But it's his choice. You can just explain the consequences.

 

[Just a bit outside]

Does he have some friends on the team who go everyday? Friends are more important at that age and if one of them can partner up with him to go to workouts. That will take the decision out of his hands in the morning when he wakes up and doesn’t feel like going.

 

[Smiling Joe Hesketh]

WBCD, did he quit afterwards because of the summer work?

 

[wade boggs chicken dinner]

WBCD, did he quit afterwards because of the summer work?

No he quit because he wanted to play squash and volleyball.

Funny story that doesn't really go into the bragging thread. My son was good enough to start for his club's "B" team (the "A" team was national) but was never going to get "called up." On our way home from one or another tournament, I mentioned to him that one of the reasons he's likely not going to get "called up" is because he's one of those kids who doesn't look like he's trying very hard (as opposed to those other super aggressive kids who look like they are putting 100% effort into everything they do). He asked me what I mean. I said, "Well, for example, when you get beat by a guy up the field, it doesn't look like you're sprinting back to catch up to him."

He said, "Well I'm not".

Surprised, I asked him why.

He said, "It doesn't really make any sense; it's not like I'm going to catch up to him."

 

[luckiestman]

It’s teenager circadian rhythm, the 11 thing isn’t to be an asshole. The “optional” practice that early is lame given what we know about teenagers

https://www.uclahealth.org/medical-services/sleep-disorders/patient-resources/patient-education/sleep-and-teens

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

Yammer, how old is he?

I might focus on the captaincy part if you're trying to get him motivated, but honestly as a teen he's going to be resistant to motivation from outside, especially from a parent. The only level might be the captaincy. Perhaps the best thing would be if he doesn't work as hard as he could and thus doesn't receive it.

He will be 17 on September 11th. Yeah, it will probably be a good lesson for him, but at the same time he has been "the hard worker" up until literally like....6 weeks ago. I don't know if this is a short term thing or a longer deal.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

What's he doing at night? Is he hung over these mornings or getting to bed really late?

Great question. He doesn't APPEAR to be drinking and he doesn't smoke pot (sidebar - he gave his urine to multiple teammates all year for drug tests to the point that he was mentioned in 3 yearbook quotes.....I'm very torn o this matter). He MIGHT be on the interwebs very late, but I can't tell and I don't want to cross that line of telling him when he has to go to bed at this point in the summer. It's tough.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

You can either bribe him or put up with it but unless there's something else you're not mentioning, I don't believe nagging him or trying to force him to go is productive.

Last summer, before my son quit soccer, he was going from 9 v 9 to 11 v 11 and the coach wanted the boys in top shape so he organized once a week summer runs on Saturday morning. My memory is a little hazy but IIRC, my son committed to being there plus we agreed that I would buy him a video game if he had perfect attendance.

After about 3 weeks in, he started giving me a hard time getting up and to these runs. Eventually, I did a modicum of compromise and said that if he got through all but the last week, he could skip the last week.

He went; he ran; he actually got in really good shape (he almost completed the ManU test - was the only kid that came close); and because we screwed up the weeks, he actually went to every single session and now speaks proudly of it.

But you can set some expectations. Like at the beginning of the week, you can ask him how many sessions he's going to and try to get him to make those.

But it's his choice. You can just explain the consequences.

Thank you, this is really good thinking.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

Does he have some friends on the team who go everyday? Friends are more important at that age and if one of them can partner up with him to go to workouts. That will take the decision out of his hands in the morning when he wakes up and doesn’t feel like going.

He absolutely does. He was one of three sophomores on a team that was one of the best in school history last year, and now the team is going to be almost all guys from his class. The social incentive SEEMS massive to me, but somehow it isn't carrying the day. I have been wondering if maybe he got into some drama with someone but even there it seems like his take would be to sort it out....I just don't know.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

It’s teenager circadian rhythm, the 11 thing isn’t to be an asshole. The “optional” practice that early is lame given what we know about teenagers

https://www.uclahealth.org/medical-services/sleep-disorders/patient-resources/patient-education/sleep-and-teens

OK, so first off - thanks. But with that said, for the last 8 years I have been a sleep maniac and my kids and I talk about sleep all the time. He is actually a great sleeper. He naps, he goes to bed, he values sleep a great deal. I have thought about the sleep aspect, and I am trying to bring that into the analysis.

 

[wiffleballhero]

He was one of three sophomores on a team that was one of the best in school history last year, and now the team is going to be almost all guys from his class.

I might just sort of casually say, "hey, you know, you're not competing against any of these guys on your team and you're not really working out for anything you can see right now. It's not about August or even September. All this summer craziness is for October and November when the competition gets a little tougher and you're playing dudes you don't even know. Not a bad idea to try to be ready. Also, you'll get more effort from the shitty players on your team if they all see you busting your ass."

But my motivational speeches with my own kids land like farts in an elevator so take it for what it's worth.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

I might just sort of casually say, "hey, you know, you're not competing against any of these guys on your team and you're not really working out for anything you can see right now. It's not about August or even September. All this summer craziness is for October and November when the competition gets a little tougher and you're playing dudes you don't even know. Not a bad idea to try to be ready. Also, you'll get more effort from the shitty players on your team if they all see you busting your ass."

But my motivational speeches with my own kids land like farts in an elevator so take it for what it's worth.

It’s a pretty good thought. Thanks.

 

[Kenny F'ing Powers]

Are the other kids on the team that are the better players doing the volunteer workouts?

Sometimes it's just social shit. The good players don't feel like they need the voluntary work and he may be playing along.

 

[BroodsSexton]

Tell him that you’re going to have sex with his mom if he doesn’t go to practice.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

Are the other kids on the team that are the better players doing the volunteer workouts?

Sometimes it's just social shit. The good players don't feel like they need the voluntary work and he may be playing along.

Not kids who are in the area, they are all coming. But there are a number of families who spend much of July at the shore, so he might be thinking that way.

 

[troparra]

Not kids who are in the area, they are all coming. But there are a number of families who spend much of July at the shore, so he might be thinking that way.

They are all coming every day? It sounds like your kid is going to 3 or 4 optional workouts a week (out of 5 per week, I'm assuming). That's not considered enough?
What are you worried about? The optics of missing those workouts, or the actual training that he is missing out on?

My opinion only, but I think your son is doing enough, and if he's as good a player as you say, he's in no danger of losing his spot on the roster, and would still be eligible for captain assuming he has leadership qualities and is will liked and respected by his teammates.

The problem with off season workouts (again, my opinion) is that there's usually no payoff, which means there is no game. Often, you aren't even using the sport's equipment. So what's the point of the workout? To get slightly better for games 2-3 months from now? I can't imagine a 17 year old who already works out 3-4 days a week would notice a difference if he worked out 1-2 days more per week.

 

[Rick Burlesons Yam Bag]

They are all coming every day? It sounds like your kid is going to 3 or 4 optional workouts a week (out of 5 per week, I'm assuming). That's not considered enough?
What are you worried about? The optics of missing those workouts, or the actual training that he is missing out on?

My opinion only, but I think your son is doing enough, and if he's as good a player as you say, he's in no danger of losing his spot on the roster, and would still be eligible for captain assuming he has leadership qualities and is will liked and respected by his teammates.

The problem with off season workouts (again, my opinion) is that there's usually no payoff, which means there is no game. Often, you aren't even using the sport's equipment. So what's the point of the workout? To get slightly better for games 2-3 months from now? I can't imagine a 17 year old who already works out 3-4 days a week would notice a difference if he worked out 1-2 days more per week.

It appears that most all, if not all-all, of the kids show up every day when they are in town. Now, when my older son played 5-6 years ago this was very much not the case. The team was not very good and they would only show up 2-3 times a week (there are 4 workouts week, Fridays are off for coaches to go to the beach, etc). And to your point, I have never really cared about this stuff, particularly performative presence.

It is more about the change. He has never missed a practice or optional workout in his life, he was always the kid waiting in the car with all of his gear, ready to go 15 minutes early. And this year he really wanted to be a Captain (this may have changed), so doing the performative stuff does have some value. I agree that the impact on his on-field performance is, at best, moderate to minimal. But a) I was interested in hearing from folks about what they experienced with their teenagers when they started blowing stuff off, and b) I am concerned that he will wish he had done the lifting when it comes time to name Captains. But I am also not going to force him to go to optional practices. I give my kids each two days a year when they can blow off school completely as mental health days, I am not going to force anyone to practice their sport for an optional practice if they really don't want to.

It seems like he may have had some drama with a few guys on the team who had had older brothers who had played and who felt like they had been grandfathered in to leadership roles and he was kind of sick of their sh*t. Hard to know. It's team camp this week, which always seems to get things lined up for the season.

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and guidance, it was very much appreciated.