Dang, I was annoyed by letting myself read
Peter King today. I got sucked in by the headline over lunch: "Longwell relishes unexpected chance to rewrite history."
Okay, sounds interesting. Is he going to be the oldest guy to kick a field goal in the playoffs or something? Let's find out:
Longwell, 38, who hadn't kicked anywhere since the Vikings cut him in training camp, will be the Seahawks' kicker Sunday in Atlanta. Four years ago, he was a 12-men-in-the-huddle penalty from a field goal that would have put the Vikings, not the Saints, in the Super Bowl against Peyton Manning and the Colts. Imagine if he gets the chance to win a game this month ... and put the Seahawks in the Super Bowl against Peyton Manning and the Broncos
So, I know PK probably doesn't write his headlines, and the Internet is full of bait-and-switch headlines, but what about this might involve rewriting history, exactly? If he kicks a winning field goal for the Seahawks, he gets a chance to do something he didn't get a chance to do last time - but it's not like he's got a history of being a choker and he could come through, or he's playing for the Vikings who could come through in the clutch when before the didn't, but rather one kicker might get a chance to kick a field goal to win a game (he may not even get to play in) to send a totally different team to face another totally different team in the Super Bowl featuring exactly one player from that former team he never got a chance to play against.
Um ... wow?
But, let's just pretend that stupid set of circumstances would justify the headline and move on, since there's lots of other stupid stuff here. I'm not even going to go into whether not getting to try a field goal counts as a "regret" or not (I mean, don't you regret bad things you did, or chances you didn't sieze? He just didn't get a chance to do something, but, whatever, he said regret to PK and he parroted it, I guess).
No, I'm going to quibble with the way this whole thing is framed: "He was a 12-men-in-the-huddle penalty from a field goal that would have put the Vikings, not the Saints, in the Super Bowl against Peyton Manning and the Colts."
Oh, really?
It seems to me like he was a Brett Favre interception away from trying a field goal!
PK himself notes it was 3rd and 10 from the 33. Longwell had hit exactly 2 50+ yard field goals all season, so the try was hardly a fait accompli. Understandably, the Vikes wanted to run another play and pick up some more yardage. Yet "Longwell was on the sidelines, ready to go in to try a field goal of 50 or 51 yards, or maybe a couple of yards shorter, after one more rushing attempt." Is that what Longwell thought they should do? No, that's what PK thinks they should have done, in order to give this kicker a go at it.
But: What rushing attempt? PK himself specifically notes THEY CALLED A PASS PLAY before the penalty. So, there was never going to be "one more rushing attempt." There was going to be a passing attempt. And that passing attempt, if it picked up 5 or 6 yards would have put the Vikings right back where Longwell wanted to kick from penalty (and, also, "Only thing wrong was, Tahi -- either sent by a coach or mistakenly thinking he should be on the field instead of Berrian -- ran into the huddle." Hey, Pete, you're talking to Ryan Longwell, who was there, right now - perhaps you could ask him?). And when they did the passing attempt anyway, what happened? Oh, yeah, Favre threw a fucking interception, like he probably would have done before the penalty (or taken a sack or choked in some other spectacular way).
But that wasn't Favre's fault of course: "Though normal wisdom with a gun-slinging quarterback like Favre in the game would call for a safe run to try to get Longwell two yards or so closer, the coaches called for a pass."
Oh, I see. Brett Favre, the all-world quarterback who threw more touchdowns in NFL history than anyone else ever is now not to be trusted with the game on the line? That's quite the turnabout, Mr. King. Did Brett not let you lick his balls last night or something?
In fact, the
AP write up of the game didn't even mention the ("all-time gaffe in Vikings history") penalty. But it did mention the interception: "There were nine fumbles and two interceptions, and the biggest mistake belonged to Favre. Flushed from the pocket in the final minute, he seemed to have room to run to set up a field goal."
So, basically, Favre fucked Longwell out of a chance to go to the Super Bowl, just like he fucked the rest of the Vikings with that terrifically dumb play.
But, you know, nice narrative about how this old kicker is going to get a chance to rewrite history after some nameless person screwed up and caused a five-yard penalty. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Gosh, I hope he gets a chance!
Addendum: "New Orleans won on a four-yard Garrett Hartley field goal in overtime." How in fuck do you kick a four-yard field goal?
Addendum 2: One of the top 10 things PK will be watching for this weekend (you know, the one where awesome playoff games are happening): "Head north, Tim Tebow. To the CFL. Unless a smart quarterback mentor like Mike McCarthy takes you on as a backup to an established starter, Canada is your best chance to do what you want to do, which is to become an every-down NFL starter. "I can't imagine a scenario in which he'll be a Jacksonville Jaguar -- even if he's released,'' new Jags general manager David Caldwell said Thursday."
Just please shut up.