The pitchforks on this board regarding this situation have blown my mind. I have stopped myself from commenting in the other thread because this is a hard situation and very emotional for people, and I simply didn't think I would keep calm enough to have a useful response to some of the things I've read in it. Mostly, these are folks who don't have much experience with regard to DV, and who seem to think this is an unusual and crazy story that never would have happened if the courts were better, and the parents were better, and the friends were better etc. And you know, that's not necessarily their fault. We have a nice way of just ignoring DV here in America, without even really knowing we're ignoring it.
Like Rovin Romine, I have worked extensively in the field, but with victims of DV as a counselor and advocate, and have sat in countless court hearings where the exact same stuff that happened with Jared Remy happened (including one hearing that involved a soon to be murderer). I met, listened to, watched and shook my head at perpetrators who were in for their 5th, 6th, 7th offense over a course of years, victims who have been victims in the system 3 or 4 or 5 times over, often victims of the same abuser, and often even after Protection From Abuse orders were granted. Folks, domestic violence, has been, is, and always will be a societal problem. It has roots that are deep and thick and strong: societal roots, cultural roots, familial roots, biological roots, and these days, even chemical roots. The Remy/Martell situation happens ALL THE FREAKING TIME in our country, we just don't hear about it, or if we do, we don't think twice about it like we do with this one because it doesn't involve someone we "have" to listen in order to watch a baseball game. It doesn't disturb our little piece of the world on a nightly basis. It doesn't make us so uncomfortable that we want to peel our skin off. Not every situation like the Remy/Martell ends in murder, but more do than you probably know, and there are so, so, so, SO many perpetrators like Jared Remy (JUST LIKE HIM) in your community, under your nose, down the street from you, that it would blow your mind if you knew the actual numbers. This did not just happen because Jerry Remy was a craptastic father, or because he paid Jared's legal bills, or because his wife had a relationship with the victim that made the whole thing even more entwined and messed up. It also happened because we allow domestic violence, and violence against women in particular, to happen in this country.
I mean, people want to fire the father of the murderer in this situation because it's too uncomfortable for US to have to listen to him? Really? What in the hell will that change for anyone except US, sitting on our couches? I guess I am sick of reading that people just can't listen to him because he was a crappy parent and enabled Jared's behavior and now Jennifer Martell is dead and poor us for being reminded of her death. People, WE ALL ENABLE JARED'S BEHAVIOR. I mean, this is a discussion board where misogynistic comments are the norm and the C word is something that is completely acceptable to use - AND WE'RE ONE OF THE INTELLIGENT, DECENT DISCUSSION BOARDS IN THE WORLD!!! We're part of those roots, everyone. I feel like maybe the pitchforks should go back in the shed and we all ought to look in the collective mirror and see what we each could do differently to make it more difficult for a man to abuse a woman and get away with it. Because so many get away with it. (And my apologies for using "man" and "woman" here - but I am concentrating on that aspect of DV for the purposes of this thread, which is the most prevalent in this country by a wide margin, but certainly not the ONLY aspect of DV).
Anyway, I want Jerry Remy on the air. I want him on the air to remind all of us that domestic violence happens all the time, that people are victimized all the time, that no one is immune and that this problem in our country requires more regular people to know about it and to understand it in order for it to change. I want his voice to grate on me and on you to the point that we want to do something, anything, to make a difference. Hiding him away helps no future victim and it does;t help Jennifer Martell. I'd like to see the Sox and NESN come out with a serious chunk of change and some sort of charitable event to fight DV in the greater Boston area. THAT would be useful and meaningful and might make a difference. Firing Jerry Remy won't make any difference to those in need of help. If you want to volunteer some time this year, but are not sure where you'd like to do so, call your local courthouse and ask them if there is a volunteer program for victims of domestic violence in the courthouse - there likely is. Or call a DV hotline and ask about volunteering at a shelter victims of DV. Or PM me and I will find you the relevant numbers in your neighborhood. You will learn, you will help, and you will talk to people you know about it (because you won;t be able to stop thinking about the stuff you've seen and heard), which in turn may help them to see the problem and try to become active to change things, too. And remember that every time Jerry Remy laughs with Don, well, that's about how often a woman just got backhanded, pushed, cut, burned, threatened, punched, stolen from, tied up, raped or maybe even killed by a significant other - right in your community.