"I weep for the lost integrity of journalism in America, and the lowering standard of the American people. Now, for the Evo-Shield Shankopotamus of the Week!"
Why Do I Continue to Read Peter King?
- Thread starter John Marzano Olympic Hero
- Start date
Weekly get of my lawn rants about how the internet ain't what it used to be would be a perfect addition to his columns. He's probably still fuming that Ask Jeeves re-branded as ask.com.
"You know you used to get your internet questions answered by a butler..."
"You know you used to get your internet questions answered by a butler..."
Good God.
I used to be a big U2 fan (not a big fan of the stuff over the last decade, though), and I can't understand how he equates Robert Griffin III to Bono.
I'd be willing to bet $5 that RGIII doesn't even know who Bono is.
I used to be a big U2 fan (not a big fan of the stuff over the last decade, though), and I can't understand how he equates Robert Griffin III to Bono.
I'd be willing to bet $5 that RGIII doesn't even know who Bono is.
Or, fathead, maybe he was referring to the fact that the team had been to London before, in 2009.
If it's not an interesting quote, why do you point it out?
"Geography: how does that shit work?"
1) as you will see, this prologue is irrelevant to King's forthcoming gripe. He inserts it only to show what a swell guy he is, and to give a shout-out to some useful ticket connection that he, no doubt, intends to use again and so wants to butter-up.
2) Peter King is a high profile sports writer. In fact, I'm not sure if they get any more high profile than Peter King. He, no doubt, has connections all over the place, through teams, owners, other media personalities, publications, etc... You mean to tell me that he had to find an excuse (retirement) to take his own brother to a World Series game? I may be wrong about that, but the way he phrases it it seems like a one-time thing, which seems odd given King's access. Regardless...
I love the overstatement of the ridiculousness of the woman. She's frustrated, so she sighs. Big deal. And she hits her head with it, which seems very odd until you think about it, and it's actually a pretty common reaction (she probably went "rrrrrrrr" when she did it). Granted, this sounds annoying, but it's hardly noteworthy.
Then, rather than leave the woman alone (or offer assistance), King tries to bait her into giving him more useless shit to throw in his "I hate travelling" piece. And she blows him off. Good for her!
Note, again, the woman is trying to figure out a work-related problem on the flight. This is something that King constantly talks about (typically the noise level on the Acela, or the internet connectivity in hotel rooms, or something). Yet here's another professional trying to work, getting frustrated, not in the mood to chat, and he acts like she's a fucking ice queen.
To illustrate, can anyone NOT imagine him writing this:
"I love the iPad, but there are times when I have trouble with it, especially after various family members use it and reconfigure it without letting me know. On a flight last week to San Francisco, I had intended to write some emails to schedule some interviews, but my preferred email program wasn't loading. Tried rebooting, no luck. Tried searching, no luck. Great. So the five hours I had intended to use for work just went up in smoke. Irritated beyond belief, I contemplated doing horrible things to the iPad before, as they say, cooler heads prevailed. My neighbor to my right, who, by the tint of his breath had been drinking far too much coffee, reacted as if I was going to hit HIM with the machine.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I said,"My daughter must have erased the app I need, and I can't figure the damned thing out."
I smiled, and went back to work on the iPad. But the guy didn't get the hint:
"What do you do for a living?" He asked, as if it could possibly matter. Why do people do this? What makes you think that I, in the middle of an obviously frustrating work-related issue, want to make small talk? Because we happen to sit near each other?
"I'm a sports writer" I said.
"Oh, what kind of sports?" he asked.
"Um," I said, not looking back at him, "mostly football."
I guess he finally got the hint, as we passed the remainder of the flight in blessed quietude.
"My daughter works at a media company and is very successful! And Hip! And, I swear, it has nothing to do with my connections or possible references my famous media friends might have been able to give her! And she gets free breakfast, lunch, dinner, and beer! Hey kids, get jobs like THIS out of college if you can!"
"My life is so perfect and charmed! Toodles!"
"Hey, if you have lots of spare income lying around and/or a connection in the industry, go do this thing that my brother and I got to do. We're so fucking happy, it hurts."
I really disliked his travel notes, it all seemed so pretentious (which is what Leather said above). However I'm not sure why he put the anecdote about the woman and her iPad. I was half-expecting that she'd show up in the Twitter office with a "weird" connection to King's daughter.
I know that life isn't like the movies and these scenes of synchronicity rarely happen, but having said that, what is King's point relaying the story? That someone was pissed about their kids, juxtaposing how proud of his daughter he is? Was it that he found amusing that the woman couldn't figure out her iPad, because women, amIrightguys? Was it to show that he is a member of the working class and understands their struggles, because everyone can jump on a plane and fly to San Francisco to pick up a World Series ticket that they got for face value from a contact in the Red Sox front office.
And I used to travel a bit for my job and I would hate when someone would start making small talk with me (and I can guarantee that King feels the same and has probably written about it a billion times, though I'm too lazy to go search for it right now). And I'd be doubly annoyed if said person is trying to talk to me while I was extremely aggitated at my daughter for deleting something that I needed. Again, I thought that King was going to save the day and show the lady that the plane was WiFi accessable and she was able to redownload the app with all of her settings (perhaps it was all saved in the cloud or something, I don't know) but King starts going on and on with his incredibly trite conversations.
When I started reading the note, I was going to give the guy some slack because his other brother died last year and he probably felt that he should do what he can for his brother now. But that good will was in the toilet by the time I finished the story. This is just another example of Peter King being extremely tone-deaf.
And really, fuck you for this:
I know that life isn't like the movies and these scenes of synchronicity rarely happen, but having said that, what is King's point relaying the story? That someone was pissed about their kids, juxtaposing how proud of his daughter he is? Was it that he found amusing that the woman couldn't figure out her iPad, because women, amIrightguys? Was it to show that he is a member of the working class and understands their struggles, because everyone can jump on a plane and fly to San Francisco to pick up a World Series ticket that they got for face value from a contact in the Red Sox front office.
And I used to travel a bit for my job and I would hate when someone would start making small talk with me (and I can guarantee that King feels the same and has probably written about it a billion times, though I'm too lazy to go search for it right now). And I'd be doubly annoyed if said person is trying to talk to me while I was extremely aggitated at my daughter for deleting something that I needed. Again, I thought that King was going to save the day and show the lady that the plane was WiFi accessable and she was able to redownload the app with all of her settings (perhaps it was all saved in the cloud or something, I don't know) but King starts going on and on with his incredibly trite conversations.
When I started reading the note, I was going to give the guy some slack because his other brother died last year and he probably felt that he should do what he can for his brother now. But that good will was in the toilet by the time I finished the story. This is just another example of Peter King being extremely tone-deaf.
And really, fuck you for this:
Boo hoo hoo, you have to jam yourself into a middle seat for once in your fat fucking life to go cross country and hang out a World Series in an awesome city. Just fuck off.
I love his surprise about this office setup. It sounds like just about every "hip techy" office I've ever been in, heard of, or seen.
A ping pong table in the office? How preposterous!
Few fun quotes
LOOK AT ME I'M PETER KING, PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG. I DON'T JUST WATCH THE GAMES ON SUNDAY, I WATCH THEM IN NBC'S VIEWING ROOM WITH A FORMER HEAD COACH!
So apparently nearly blowing an 18 point lead while making several extremely questionable calls, only to be saved by Carson Palmer qualifies you to be coach of the week, cool, gotcha Pete
"drat, I can't pin the traffic, which has inconvenienced me oh so much, on anyone because of that pesky hurricane which has only affected the lives of millions of people"
But he used to live in Enfield, Connecticut. I'm pretty sure he went to Fermi, which is the high school that will no longer exist after voters just approved it being rolled into Enfield High over the next few years. I wonder if he'll wax poetic.
edit: He went to Enfield High, but maybe he'll bemoan the loss of a great rivalry.
http://www.courant.c...0,7555970.story
I was just going to post that it was Enfield High and not Fermi. My wife is also a graduate of Enfield High and she has no idea who Peter King is or that he went there. The school or town must have wronged him, otherwise he would make sure they knew that he IS a big deal and that they should pay tribute to their most-famous alum*.
*Either King or Craig Janney. I'd argue that King takes that "prize."
I dunno; King was never in a love triangle to our knowledge, was he? Point, Janney!
Everyone I know who's worked at Twitter (probably 10-12 people) has either left or is in the process of leaving, largely because it's a shithole environment being encroached upon by marketing-obsessed parasites.
Like father, like daughter.
He was tweeting about it incessantly. "Hey, where can I go to volunteer?"
It was the same crap when he was like "Hey guys, where can I go run a half marathon?"
Google exists for a reason, numbnuts.
I'm poking fun that he uses "weird" as his go-to adjective whenever something is out of the norm. It's a word that 13-year-old girls use.
Earlier this season, he summed up the Saints entire offseason as "weird."
It's not anywhere near as bad as the usage of 'interesting' these days, so I'll give him a pass. I'm much too focused on his uncritical acceptance of Fitzpatrick's hissy fit about Spikes. YOU GO RYAN, WAY TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, GOTTA LOVE A GUY LIKE THAT READERS.
Got a complaint for Peter King? Give him a call - (973) 650-0966
http://m.deadspin.com/5961493/hey-david-canter-peter-king-is-trying-to-get-in-touch-so-heres-his-phone-number
http://m.deadspin.com/5961493/hey-david-canter-peter-king-is-trying-to-get-in-touch-so-heres-his-phone-number
If this guy ever complains about travelling again, I'll throw up.
2) My understanding is that Haikus were meant to have something to do with nature. Anyway, I think King's Haikus are offensive in their stupidity.
I really hope that cop gets reprimanded.
Um. ATMs don't "give money away." They deduct it from your account. You aren't actually given anything you don't already own. Jesus, does King (and Wingo) not know how a fucking ATM works?
:barf:
"I'm disappointed in Kluwe. When he says stuff I agree with, I really like him. But when he attacks a group that includes me, he's way out of line. Please agree with me, and I'll print your name in my column. Just remember to agree with me."
1) Obviously twinkies and ding dongs will get bought by someone and keep going.
2) My understanding is that Haikus were meant to have something to do with nature. Anyway, I think King's Haikus are offensive in their stupidity.
This is what I love most about King (and most of the media in general): when someone takes them to task it's unfair because "they don't know all the facts" or "don't understand the inner workings of things" or the person is just "way out of line".
However, when King goes after someone and harps on their failings, he's just "telling it like it is" and "making sure people see what's REALLY going on".
I honestly don't think that Peter King makes the connection that the way some people feel/write about him and the way he does his job, is the same way that he feels/writes about NFL players doing their job.
And the weekly shots at Cam Newton aren't getting old. King has had a hair across his ass about Newton since the combine last March where Newton made the mistake of saying that he wanted to be an entertainer as well as a football player. It must have killed King not to be able to rake him over the coals last year, but he's making up for it now.
I fucking hate his "I'll remind you, Kluwe" syntax.
He uses that entire section of his column to talk down to grown men.
He uses that entire section of his column to talk down to grown men.
Heh, his response to that:
So it took him five hours to cancel his phone number? And he tallied all the calls/texts while also writing down the worst texts and looking up their area codes?
The whole sentence is rotten:
Freak too freakishly? Gronkle? Before I mock too mockingly, loyal Kingites, I'll remind myself that I should expect such puerile prose as this to be written by Kingles (King Pyotr, Kingles, Kingypoo ... all nicknames my chum from the 773 deployed in his profane texts to Mr. King).
Yep, it's bad. But I can't tell if it's a dig at Rapoport, a compliment, or what. Is he saying he's all over the Pats as a reporter, or that he's not consistent, or that he's money-grubbing, or is this supposed to show how he knows the local beat guys? I find it really strange. I mean "weird."
Once upon a time, I actually used to read, and even enjoy, MMQB.
But this parking ticket "story" is everything that is wrong with PK. Instead of subtly complimenting the city, which is all the policy officer requested, PK tells the whole fucking story. Essentially, he -
1. lets us all know that he gets out of parking tickets because he's P-fucking-K!
2. is more than willing to pay the fine because he has the morals of a boy scout and the bank account of Prince Al-Waleed.
2. completely throws the police officer under the bus without any real regard for the favor the cop did him.
For me, MMQB has been replaced by the SOSH review of MMQB.
You forgot
. He is exactly the type of self-centered douchebag to pull up behind a parked police officer, park his car in a no parking spot, turn on his hazards all so that he can run inside, stand in line, and order his fucking overpriced coffee. But I was only here for five minutes. Tough shit. Find a parking spot fat-ass.
And he parked his car in the middle of a fuckin' ROTARY dead smack in the center of the city. Who the FUCK parks their car in a ROTARY to go stand in line for coffee?
Next to a fucking fire hydrant.
Let me ask you something: Why would he put on his hazards at all unless he knew that he was violating parking laws?
And if he knew that he was violating parking laws, why did he park right behind the cop?
Likewise, if he didn't know that he was parking in an illegal spot, why didn't he at least put up some kind of defense for the ticket?
Does anyone on earth ever do something in good faith (e.g., park too close to a stop sign, or accidentally park in a poorly marked handicap spot), get told in person by an authority figure that he/she was, in fact, wrong to the tune of $25-$100, and fail to make at least a half-hearted effort to plead his/her case?
"Really? Are you SURE it's 30 feet? I...come on. I was only here for a minute!"
"Oh, but...Where is the handicap marker? I can't...oh it's THERE? Come on, how was I supposed to see that?"
The answer is: nobody. Nobody just smiles and takes the ticket...unless they knew they were in the wrong in the first place and get caught red handed.
He fucking knew what he was doing, got caught, and acted sheepishly about it. The insulting part of the story is that he tries to spin it as if he's some sort of harried saint that was smiled upon by the powers that be, in his "Ain't Life Grand?!" tinged Norman Rockwell-lite way. And it absolutely speaks to his own insecurity that he couldn't just fucking come out and say: "Hey, I tried to pull a fast one and got caught, and the cop was cool enough to let me off the hook." No. He wants to be the damsel in distress and the fucking guy with the top hat, twiddling his mustache.
Let me ask you something: Why would he put on his hazards at all unless he knew that he was violating parking laws?
And if he knew that he was violating parking laws, why did he park right behind the cop?
Likewise, if he didn't know that he was parking in an illegal spot, why didn't he at least put up some kind of defense for the ticket?
Does anyone on earth ever do something in good faith (e.g., park too close to a stop sign, or accidentally park in a poorly marked handicap spot), get told in person by an authority figure that he/she was, in fact, wrong to the tune of $25-$100, and fail to make at least a half-hearted effort to plead his/her case?
"Really? Are you SURE it's 30 feet? I...come on. I was only here for a minute!"
"Oh, but...Where is the handicap marker? I can't...oh it's THERE? Come on, how was I supposed to see that?"
The answer is: nobody. Nobody just smiles and takes the ticket...unless they knew they were in the wrong in the first place and get caught red handed.
He fucking knew what he was doing, got caught, and acted sheepishly about it. The insulting part of the story is that he tries to spin it as if he's some sort of harried saint that was smiled upon by the powers that be, in his "Ain't Life Grand?!" tinged Norman Rockwell-lite way. And it absolutely speaks to his own insecurity that he couldn't just fucking come out and say: "Hey, I tried to pull a fast one and got caught, and the cop was cool enough to let me off the hook." No. He wants to be the damsel in distress and the fucking guy with the top hat, twiddling his mustache.
Thank you. I almost posted this. It makes no sense to use your hazards if you're just parking in a normal spot.
This Starbucks story is, in a nutshell, the reason why I vehemently dislike Peter King.
People in the industry talk about what a great guy King is, no one works harder, he's as friendly and nice as anyone in sportswriting. And if that's true, then the sports writing world must be filled with the most vile people on the planet if King is the "nice one". I wish that cop threw him in jail.
People in the industry talk about what a great guy King is, no one works harder, he's as friendly and nice as anyone in sportswriting. And if that's true, then the sports writing world must be filled with the most vile people on the planet if King is the "nice one". I wish that cop threw him in jail.
I would say his own anecdotes show he's a pretty terrible person, really. Narcissistic and entitled and stupid to boot. He holds grudges as his writing on Cam Newton will attest. He has all this access and does ZERO with it.
You're right, SJH. But the other day I read on Jeff Pearlman's blog that King or Adam Schefter (I believe) was able to get Andrew Luck's autograph on a football for a kid with cancer that was friends with Pearlman in less than two days. And I've read where Drew Magary said that he's had email conversations with King that have been very pleasant after Magary has destroyed King in his KSK column for three straight years.
I don't know the guy, he seems like an ass, but people who know him say he's swell.
I don't know the guy, he seems like an ass, but people who know him say he's swell.
And by his own admission he took a foul ball away from a kid, he treats service workers abominably, and pulls the "Do You Know Who I Am" card all the time.
OK, so he's nice to his colleagues. Big deal. I'm sure some of Ron Borges' co-workers tolerate him too. But by and large, by his own words, he's an enormous asshole.
I have no doubt that King is nice to people to their face, even hotel clerks and idiotic fast food workers.
The difference is, he'll only use his pulpit to shit on people that he knows won't be able to come back at him, or that he believes he won't have much use for down the road.
He's a coward.
I also have no doubt that his "Can you believe this guy/girl?" stories are 80% bullshit, and are in fact written with all the snappy, self-serving, reactions that only hindsight can bring. In fact, the righteous indignation almost certainly stems from the fact that he's frustrated with himself for not saying something he wish he had.
The difference is, he'll only use his pulpit to shit on people that he knows won't be able to come back at him, or that he believes he won't have much use for down the road.
He's a coward.
I also have no doubt that his "Can you believe this guy/girl?" stories are 80% bullshit, and are in fact written with all the snappy, self-serving, reactions that only hindsight can bring. In fact, the righteous indignation almost certainly stems from the fact that he's frustrated with himself for not saying something he wish he had.
