Why Do I Continue to Read Peter King?

E5 Yaz · Jun 11, 2012

drleather2001 said:
1) A sappy book about some guy I don't give a shit about dealing with serious problems. Sounds weepy and a lot like the movie "Terms of Endearment", minus Jack Nicholson. No thanks.

Slightly disagree with you on this, Doc, for a couple of reasons. The Speilman story does sound compelling and might be worth a read, regardless of knowing the end. The scene of him putting his wife into the incineration oven himself goes beyond weepy.

Also, the husband in "Terms of Endearment" is a shit who seems to give mimimal effort in his wife's illness.

But the best part of this was that PK whines that Speilman writes a tell-all, after not giving King the interview he wanted years before. Now, he does a book with a reporter PK calls Speilman's "friend," indicating King thinks less of it because of that relationship.

In short, King tells us a man watches his wife die and decides to share their story ... WITH HIS BUDDY, NOT A REAL REPORTER LIKE ME

MarcSullivaFan · Jun 11, 2012

*Canada* might be a piece of shit for all I know, but Richard Ford was a very good writer at one point. His first story collection, *Rock Springs,* is excellent. Think Andre Dubus, Raymond Carver, Tobias Wolff. One of his novels won a Pulitzer.

JohntheBaptist · Jun 12, 2012

drleather2001 said:
Also, there's a wonderful connection here to be drawn between this ironic observation (made 40 years after everyone else made it) and the fact that King interviewed Goodell about stopping concussions in football, when it is Goodell and the league that have the least incentive to stop concussions, and Goodell fed him a bunch of bullshit. King is the playing the part of the magazine running that Camel ad. "Hey, look everyone, the NFL is fixing concussions! No problem here!"

Damn. This.

Corsi · Jun 16, 2012

Thirty-four years ago tonight, Reds' Tom Seaver no-hit Cards at Riverfront. As an Enquirer intern w/night off, I was there. Fun memory.

https://twitter.com/SI_PeterKing/status/214014587027206144

Leather · Jun 17, 2012

Wow. A brag (saw a no hitter) with a side order of brag (Esquire intern), with a dollop of brag sauce on top (Tom Seaver!).

Was he worried people would forget about him on Fathers Day or something? What an insecure little big man he is.

Of course, having to spend the late 70s in fucking Cincinnati is punishment enough I guess.

ifmanis5 · Jun 17, 2012

drleather2001 said:
Of course, having to spend the late 70s in fucking Cincinnati is punishment enough I guess.

Hardly! Listening to the great Dr. Johnny Fever was both a privilege and an honor that this humble typist shall not soon forget.

Corsi · Jun 17, 2012

drleather2001 said:
Wow. A brag (saw a no hitter) with a side order of brag (Esquire intern), with a dollop of brag sauce on top (Tom Seaver!).

Right. Maybe if it was the 25th or 50th anniversary, it would warrant a shoutout, but 34th? It's so forced and obvious that he's just trying to remind us that he got to experience something that we didn't.

Mystic Merlin · Jun 17, 2012

Sixteen years ago this gloaming, Albert Belle took a shit in Cleveland. As a porpoise who eats a metric fuckton of food, I had to take a big shit myself...and I was there. In the next stall. We exchanged knowing nods as we washed our hands. Fun, although Jacobs had a skimpy selection of domestics.

Check out tomorrow's column for my extended sitdown with the misunderstood family man, Albert Belle.

JKelley34 · Jun 18, 2012

I'm beating Dr. Leather to the punch on this one.

You interview Brian Banks, get great access to a man with one of the most heart-warming stories in the NFL silly season and put 1,000 words on page 1 of your weekly column. Then because your a giant douche you go an write up a "factoid that is only of interest to my douchy self"

So I waited for Banks to call Friday. He was supposed to call early in the afternoon, but he didn't, and I wondered if he'd forgotten. Finally, at 6:40 p.m. Eastern time, 3:40 in southern California, where he lives, Banks rang from his car. He sounded a little out of breath.
Turns out he'd been working out with Jay Glazer, the FOX analyst and mixed martial arts trainer, trying to make up for lost time in strength, speed and conditioning work.
It's a sign of the respect so many players have for Glazer that, with this being the best long-shot chance he'd have at a football career, Banks turned to Glazer to get him ready as quickly as possible for his tryout this week with the 49ers.

Of course you couldn't put the Jay Glazer item into the 1,000 words you already wrote on the subject because then there would be no avenue for a passive-aggressive whine about how Banks inconvenienced you on Friday night.

Leather · Jun 18, 2012

As with two other players I've reached who have attached their names to the various suits, McMahon feels the most important thing about this case is having medical care available -- and covered by the NFL -- when or if the time comes that players need medical or mental health care. Spitballing these complex cases, if the NFL can't get them dismissed, the settlement may come when long-retired players are assured that their families won't be left to take care of them without sufficient insurance.

"Making another random guess at what professional legal professionals might do, I'd say that if they can't get these cases dismissed, the league might have to give a settlement wherein they'd open themselves up to an incredibly large and unpredictable amount of costs."

I'm half-tempted ot file a complaint to the NY Bar Association against Peter King for attempting to practice law without a license. Just for shits and giggles. I also wonder how long it is before he "spitballs" some medical treatments for concussions

"Just spitballing here, but I'm thinking these concussions could be treated by submersion in a hot tub for 45 minute intervals, followed by two aspirin, and a double mocha frappucino."

Also, Jim McMahon is a fucking asshole and always was. An attention grubbing prick. Does King exercise any sort discretion when getting sources? I mean, "ex-NFL player" is enough? What a tool.

"There are a lot of role models. There just aren't a lot of good ones."
-- Tim Tebow, speaking to a Father's Day crowd at Qualcomm Stadium Sunday, according to U-T San Diego, on the state of sporting role models today .

So, honest question: is King posting this because he agrees with Tebow on this entirely unorginal and unprofound statement, or is he posting it because he wants to kind of stir shit by implying that Tebow is saying that he (Tebow) is one of the only good role models in sports?

That being said:

I am totallly on board with his comments re: Ballard. Obviously, I'm a Pats fan, but good for King for not falling for some sort of "Belichick is a schemer" or "Belichick is a dick" cliche.

It's hard to fathom, unless you're there, the level of enmity the fine people of Seattle have for the departed Sonics-turned-Thunder. Walking around the city last Monday and Tuesday, I saw maybe a dozen people wearing T-shirts with the old Sonics logo -- the skyline of Seattle, with the Space Needle -- in green and gold Sonics colors, with the word "Robbed" underneath the logo. Seattle, in fact, might be rooting harder in this series for the Heat than the denizens of Miami. Amazing to hear the anger the city still feels over losing the basketball team to Oklahoma City.

It's hard to fathom?! Unless you've been there?

King is surprised by this?

Leather · Jun 18, 2012

"Ever sit through a bad movie or read 200 pages of complete garbage & feel like you've just wasted a few hours of your life?''

Yup. Though, only 4-5 pages at a time, every Monday.

3.

Click to expand...

I think these one-day contracts to retire as a member of some organization -- as Tomlinson is doing today in San Diego -- are just silly. Who cares where you retire? Now Chris Chambers wants to retire as a Dolphin. Why? Who cares?

King sometimes surprises me with his curmudgeon-ness. I mean, this guy goes on and on, from time to time, about being a good fan and all that shit. I would think that this sort of small, harmless, gesture would tickle him. Yet, it doesn't. He hates it, even though he wonders "who cares?"

Why does this anger him so much? My theory is that King wanted to interview Tomlinson on the eve of his retirement, but Tomlinson said "sorry, fat man, I'm flying to San Diego to retire". So now King is pissed that Tomlinson is giving quotes to S.D. reporters, and not him.

That may be a stretch, and in fact there may be no actual reason. King might hate this practice just because he doesn't understand it. Just like he gets angry with people who cheer for kids graduating college. He hates what he doesn't understand.

4.

Click to expand...

I think you'll all be relieved to know the Arena Football League has reached a deal with its union to finish this season without interruption. I suppose.

Ditto. Why does King have to be a dick about arena football? Why does he care? Some people like it, King doesn't understand why, so he feels the need to shit on it. What a big baby.

f. I find myself pulling for the Thunder in the NBA series, and so being down 2-1 with the next two in Miami is troubling. But there's part of me that hopes LeBron James wins, just to kill this LeBron-can't-play-big-in-big-games thing. Ridiculous.
g. LeBron in his last 13 games: 32.6 points per game, 10.9 rebounds. Heat 9-4.
h. I mean, it's fine to hate a guy, and to boo him. But to not acknowledge James' greatness is downright foolish.
i. Wish I had a guy who played that great for my team every night.

King, go fuck yourself.

I was watching the Mets and Reds Saturday night when Thom uttered these words about red-hot Joey Votto: "Over the last month, he has been virtually impossible to get out.''
Very hard, maybe. But virtually impossible? In the previous month, between May 15 and June 15, Votto reached base 62 times. He made 60 outs. That's scorching hot for a baseball player. But he was retired half the time, and reached base half the time. Virtually impossible to retire Votto would have meant reaching base, say, 110 times and making 12 outs. That's never going to happen, obviously. I just felt Thom could have chosen his words better.

Peter King has not discovered the technology of "Hyperbole" yet. He's still mastering "Sarcasm." Odds of him discovering and harnessing the power of "Irony" before he retires: 1.2%.

m. As I should on many occasions. I am Mr. Exaggerated Metaphor more often than not.

...also, his scientists are toying with the concept of "Metaphor" (and urged against it's use, but King ignored them). They think they have "Simile" down, but need some time to work out the kinks.

Ok, but seriously: does King know what a Metaphor is? I don't think he has the slightest idea.

Is it just me, or was this U.S. Open all about players who missed shots and not about players who made them?

Wait...is this ironic use of hyperbole? YES. But wait...wait...it was unintentional, so King doesn't get credit. Back to work!

s. So happy so many of you wrote and tweeted that you'd be picking up That's Why I'm Here, the Chris Spielman book I wrote about last week. You won't regret it.

PETER KING, YOU SAVED SO MANY FATHER'S DAYS! YOU'RE A HERO!

Coffeenerdness: Come to New York, Peet's. Come on. You know you'll kick tail here.

They know enough not to be a dumb fuck businessman like you.

pappymojo · Jun 18, 2012

LDT was a very good running back. Marcus Allen, however, was an awesome, awesome, awesome running back. No way do I put LDT over Marcus Allen.

TheoShmeo · Jun 18, 2012

Do even the biggest LeBron haters not acknowledge his greatness? True, there's some disagreement about how he's performed in big moments, and the extent to which he owns some of his teams' prior failures, but that King thinks he needs to school us in LeBron's greatness is silly. Hell, it's precisely because we all know that LeBron is a rare talent that he's worth discussing.

Corsi · Jun 18, 2012

TheoShmeo said:
Do even the biggest LeBron haters not acknowledge his greatness? True, there's some disagreement about how he's performed in big moments, and the extent to which he owns some of his teams' prior failures, but that King thinks he needs to school us in LeBron's greatness is silly. Hell, it's precisely because we all know that LeBron is a rare talent that he's worth discussing.

King does this a lot. He argues against a group of people that don't even exist.

Corsi · Jun 18, 2012

I'm a fan of fellow Ohio U. Bobcat Thom Brennaman, and I have great fondness for his dad, Marty, one of the best baseball play-by-play men on the radio ever. (I listened to Marty for five years while living in Cincinnati, and he's one of the great ones -- most of you just don't know him.)

MyDaughterLovesTomGordon · Jun 18, 2012

John Marzano Olympic Hero said:
3. Thom Brennaman's word play. The guy is a play-by-play announcer who says tens of thousands of words per week, he's going to over exaggerate (usually for a point) during a random game. What I think is odd, is that King obviously didn't get the exaggeration and had to look it up. Or maybe he did, he's just being a dick for some reason.

This is truly baffling. To call a guy out in a column read by millions because he doesn't think a .500+ OBP for a month's time warrants a "virtually impossible," but does warrant a "very hard," and only maybe that? Wha?

Did Brennaman fuck his wife? Does PK just write down every thought that comes into his head over the course of a week and print all of them? Does he think he's being all FJM here? He even goes on to define what "virtually impossible" would look like in his eyes, before saying "that's never going to happen." Does he not think that people understand what the term virtually impossible means and he's looking to clarify and define? Is he concerned that Brennaman is actually misleading the public with his word choice? That Brennaman is working off the wrong definition of "virtually impossible"? Does he not approve of hyperbole for effect?

I don't think it's, like, evil of PK to have written this. I just am completely at a loss as to what was going through his head at the time. He's really more odd and strange than he is hatable for me. I don't actively dislike him in the way that I dislike other writers who are just pot-stirrers, etc. I just truly have a hard time understanding what the fuck he's thinking.

pappymojo · Jun 18, 2012

MyDaughterLovesTomGordon said:
I don't think it's, like, evil of PK to have written this. I just am completely at a loss as to what was going through his head at the time. He's really more odd and strange than he is hatable for me. I don't actively dislike him in the way that I dislike other writers who are just pot-stirrers, etc. I just truly have a hard time understanding what the fuck he's thinking.

Peter King should have a blog where he posts the inspirations and thoughts behind his articles, kind of like For Better or Worse.

http://sonsofsamhorn.net/topic/70854-all-new-for-better-or-for-worse-thread/

Mystic Merlin · Jun 18, 2012

The Brennaman bit floored me.

And, like, why the fuck does he feel the need to use 4 separate bullet points when the statements could be combined into one paragraph (see: LeBron BS)? Drives me up the wall.

Mystic Merlin · Jun 18, 2012

It would be easier to stomach if Peter himself didn't litter his columns with adverbs/adjectives.

Surely he wouldn't want us to pick through one of them to find similarly absurd qualifiers. And what's his excuse? Brennaman has to fucking talk for 3 hours, King has the luxury of editing his pieces. Makes no Goddamn sense at all.

Corsi · Jun 18, 2012

I was reading MMQB on Monday Morning when Peter called Joey Votto "red-hot" and later "scorching hot." Hitting very well, maybe. But red-hot and scorching hot? In the previous month, between May 15 and June 15, Votto reached base 62 times. He made 60 outs. That's very, very good for a baseball player. But he was retired half the time, and reached base half the time. A "red-hot" or "scorching hot" Votto would have meant that he was literally on fire, to the point that his skin was melting and he'd be unable to perform his duties as a baseball player. That's never going to happen, obviously. I just felt Peter could have chosen his words better.

MarcSullivaFan · Jun 18, 2012

Peter King the writer is a misanthrope. He's also largely unaware of the limits of his own knowledge. This failing is particularly obnoxious when paired with pretension.

Was (Not Wasdin) · Jun 19, 2012

So many things wrong with this:

Top five versatile runners of the last 30 years? (Walter Payton not included, because seven of his 13 seasons came before 1982.*) My list:

1. Faulk. Super Bowl win helps -- plus the Super Bowl that New England based its entire game plan on stopping him.

2. Tomlinson. But it's very, very close.**

3. Thurman Thomas. His prime wasn't quite as productive as Tomlinson's, but great anyway.***

4. Darren Sproles. State of the art today, and perfect in Saints offense.

5. Marcus Allen. Strange to put him behind Sproles, but Allen wasn't as explosive.****

*And including him would totally screw up my theme. So let's cherry pick to make sure my thesis holds.

**Its very close, despite the fact that when they met in the playoffs the Pats didn't really have to game plan for Tomlinson, because he quit on his team

***Not quite as productive, but let's not let the fact that he was as key a guy to the Bills as Faulk was to the Rams get in the way. And those four straight SBs, Peter?

****Really Peter, not explosive? Ask the 1983 Redskins what they thought. And you know what, it is strange to have him behind Sproles, because no one in their right fucking mind, least of all a pro football writer, would/should have Allen behind Sproles on this list. At the time he retired, Allen was the all time rushing touchdown leader, and at that time THE FIRST AND ONLY player to gain more than 10,000 rushing yards and 5,000 receiving yards during his career. But he is less explosive than Sproles, so he finishes behind him.

What a dolt.

Leather · Jun 19, 2012

1. Faulk. Super Bowl win helps -- plus the Super Bowl that New England based its entire game plan on stopping him.

There's that hyperbole again. I guess King is the only one allowed to use it, after all.

Oh, but there's more today:

NEW YORK -- As Mary Jo White, the former federal prosecutor who examined the evidence for the National Football League in its pay-for-performance/bounty case against the New Orleans Saints, went through reams of evidence Monday afternoon for 12 reporters in league offices, I had one overriding thought: All of this cannot be invented

What the... Does King think that inventing evidence is a common practice? By a former federal prosecutor? That was his one overriding thought? Not "Gee, there's a lot of shit here." Not "Wow, that must have taken a long time to go through." Not "Welp, I guess they are guilty." Not "Wow, Mary Jo White...I wonder if she's related to Mary Jo Latorneau"?

But: "All of this cannot be invented."

DJnVa · Jun 19, 2012

Darren Sproles? Really?

Corsi · Jun 19, 2012

DrewDawg said:
Darren Sproles? Really?

Yeah, wtf? And how the hell isn't Barry Sanders on that list?

Red(s)HawksFan · Jun 19, 2012

Corsi said:
Yeah, wtf? And how the hell isn't Barry Sanders on that list?

It seems King is trying to go with versatile backs that are a dual threat: rushing and receiving. It's the only explanation for Sproles inclusion. Sanders wasn't really considered much of a pass-catching back, so I can see his exclusion from the list even though his worst full season in terms of total yards from scrimmage (receiving + rushing) was still better than anything Sproles has ever done. Sproles career high was 1313 last season. Sanders career low was 1320 in 11 games in 1993.

There's simply no justifying Sproles on any list like this, nevermind ahead of a Hall of Famer who pioneered the role, at least based on the apparent criteria put forth.

PBDWake · Jun 19, 2012

Considering the fact that Darren Sproles really only has a 4 year window of relevancy thus far, if we include players who had 4 year windows of versatility, King overlooks a LOT of people. I mean, Sproles had a career year last year. And he put up 603 rushing yards, and 710 receiving yards. 1313 yards from scrimmage. Shit, take a look at Priest Holmes. His last 4 relevant years before he became physically destroyed saw him average more rushing yards (1370) than Sproles had yards from scrimmage in his career years. And Holmes still averaged 540 receiving yards in those years. That also includes an 8 game year.

But that's still overlooking a player like Ray Rice, who, for my money, is a significantly better versatile back in the league right now.

*edit* Forgot my overall point giving examples, but basically Dog sums it up. Just because Sproles can catch the ball (very) well out of the backfield doesn't mean he's versatile. It means he can catch the ball out of the backfield. I'd like to see him be able to RUN the ball remotely as well as any of the other backs on that list, because I haven't seen him do THAT yet.

Dogman · Jun 19, 2012

There are about 50 names I would have in front of Sproles and Marcus Allen is the very first one. I stopped reading his article a long time ago so KSK and Dr. Leather are my sources. Keep this shit up, I hate King.

Zombie Wakefield · Jun 19, 2012

DrewDawg said:
Darren Sproles? Really?

All I can imagine is that Peter decided for the sake of narrative that he needed one "rising star" for his list, opened up the year-by-year NFL all-purpose yards leaders, saw Sproles' name there for 2011 and stuck him in (I'm probably giving him too much credit for research here, though). Plus, as Sproles was Tomlinson's backup in San Diego, he gets a nice easy 'passing the torch' narrative he can wedge in there.

Never mind any other players on the list of active running backs with impressive receiving totals, like Ray Rice (who, of course, is not only four years younger than Sproles but already has nearly 3,000 more yards from scrimmage.

DJnVa · Jun 19, 2012

So, he excludes Payton because only SIX of his years fit the criteria, but takes Sproles who's had one awesome season?

Okay, Pete.

I really think we should start a concerted effort when training camps get here to beat back his idiocy in a bigger forum--twitter responses or something. Just go after him. I want to contribute something to this earth before I die.

JayMags71 · Jun 19, 2012

Whatever the "thought" King used, to put Sproles ahead of:

Eric Dickerson
Terrell Davis
Jerome Bettis
Barry Sanders
Emmitt Smith (Think about that: he ranks Darren Sproles ahead of EMMITT FUCKING SMITH.)

...is epic retardation. I can never, ever take anything says seriously again.

Hoya81 · Jun 19, 2012

Darren Sproles might make a list of "Best 3rd Down backs ". But he's never carried the ball more than 93 times a season. His inclusion on that list is ridiculous.

MarcSullivaFan · Jun 20, 2012

Arian Foster, MJD, Edgerrin James, Tiki Barber. Just to pile on.

Humphrey · Jun 20, 2012

I thought the big criticism of Mike Martz was that he didn't utilize Faulk enough in the 2001-2 Super Bowl, that the Pats plan was to slow down the wideouts as much as they could and left them vulnerable to the run. How is that game-planning to stop Faulk??

Leather · Jun 20, 2012

Yea. King just pulled that out of his ass.

I mean, the Rams had one of the most effective passing games in history that year, and it was based on precision and route-running. I also thought it was pretty common knowledge that they mugged the receivers at the line to fuck up the timing of the routes.

DJnVa · Jun 20, 2012

Humphrey said:
I thought the big criticism of Mike Martz was that he didn't utilize Faulk enough in the 2001-2 Super Bowl, that the Pats plan was to slow down the wideouts as much as they could and left them vulnerable to the run. How is that game-planning to stop Faulk??

Actually, there has been plenty written about how the Pats thought the key to slowing down the Rams passing game was to "blitz Faulk". He was getting chipped on every play. In fact, the play where Tebucky Jones returns the fumble for the TD that was overturned was because McGinest grabbed Faulk.

Also meriting consideration for King's list: Ricky Watters.

Humphrey · Jun 20, 2012

Great versatile backs: Roger Craig, Lenny Moore. .....Christ, I could go on forever. Darren Sproles is so far out of his league it's not even funny.

Was (Not Wasdin) · Jun 20, 2012

The purpose of my earlier post was not to hate on Sproles (to the contrary, I think he is a very good football player and I wish he was on the Pats), but rather to point out what an idiot King is for ranking him ahead of a guy like Marcus Allen (not to mention all the other folks listed above, and I would throw in Warrick Dunn and Matt Forte). I cant believe in a piece about versatile backs (which I assume means emphasizing the receiving piece) that King doesnt take the time to point out that Sproles (all) and Tomlinson (most) played in an era where the passing numbers have just been off the charts, in large part due to rules changes and "re-emphasis" of certain rules. Actually, I take that back, I can believe it. Just terribly lazy.

Humphrey · Jun 20, 2012

I like Sproles too...and would love to have him in NE. But, is there a Hall of Fame for third down backs?

MyDaughterLovesTomGordon · Jun 20, 2012

drleather2001 said:
What the... Does King think that inventing evidence is a common practice? By a former federal prosecutor? That was his one overriding thought? Not "Gee, there's a lot of shit here." Not "Wow, that must have taken a long time to go through." Not "Welp, I guess they are guilty." Not "Wow, Mary Jo White...I wonder if she's related to Mary Jo Latorneau"?

But: "All of this cannot be invented."

This isn't getting enough love. Does PK think the legal system works such that each side tries to put together as much bullshit as possible and then the jury tries to figure out how much of it is a lie? I mean, if even one thing - one piece of presented evidence - is "invented" in a court case, and that can be proven, the lawyer would be disbarred and probably tried for perjury.

Now, we haven't reached the court case portion of this whole saga yet, but what did PK think to himself, that the NFL, like, hired a media design company to fake up a bunch of evidence to show reporters and hope no one ever called them on it or actually took them to court?

I bet PK saw the Grand Canyon and his first thought was, "All of this could not have been dug out by a backhoe..."

Corsi · Jun 21, 2012

Anyone have a good autumn half-marathon calendar for the northeast?

https://mobile.twitter.com/SI_PeterKing/status/215788668097544193

DJnVa · Jun 21, 2012

It would be awesome to hold out a Starbucks cup to him as he lumbers by in mile number 2.

Corsi · Jun 21, 2012

Get ready for "runnernerdness."

Corsi · Jun 21, 2012

I tweeted at him and asked if he currently runs, since going from couch to half-marathon in 2.5 months seems pretty ambitious. He decided to direct message me:

I wanted to reply to his direct message asking why he'd ask for a half-marathon calendar when Google exists, but it won't let me since he doesn't follow me.

ifmanis5 · Jun 21, 2012

I'm not prepared for a skinny Peter King. Still adjusting to skinny Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen.

Of course, no matter the weight, PK will still be a butthurt blowhard.

pappymojo · Jun 21, 2012

PC Drunken Friar · Jun 21, 2012

ifmanis5 said:
I'm not prepared for a skinny Peter King. Still adjusting to skinny Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen.

Of course, no matter the weight, PK will still be a butthurt blowhard.

Your personal national nightmare is over!

Why Do I Continue to Read Peter King?

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